Second Chance...not working in my case :((

You know what? I'm just pissed off. I feel like I've bent over backwards for someone I love. I've supported, forgiven, left and given a second chance. No...there's no more rampant verbal abuse in our relationship as there was before I left him, but damn...there are non-verbal cues that I can't ignore. We're in the middle of a movie, he makes fun of something dear to me (my piano skills), I shut down a little because I'm hurt about it, I start to tell him that what he said upset me, he cuts me off and he says I'm being stupid (yes, verbal abuse, okay), shuts down the latptop (where we were watching a movie), says he sick of me taking things personally, gives me the dirtiest of looks, then turns off the light and turns his back on me claiming it's 2am and he's suddenly tired.

I'm sitting there stunned...like wtf just happened here??? He just totally made fun of my piano playing and somehow I'm in the wrong because it hurt my feelings? This whole incident happened over a 2 minute period. I'm in his living room now, ready to go back to my place, but eff...I'm a good person for eff's sake. I know not every relationship will work out, but I really do (honestly) fail to see my part in making him angry like this. It's so frustrating and hurtful, I'm really a sweet person, never swear at him, always supportive, accommodating (doormatish) and he lashes out. It's tiring and I think I'm done now.

Everyone reaches their breaking point. I never thought I'd feel hatred for him and it's devastating, I'm so, so sad as I type this. I know many will say I'm better off, but you know, the feelings are terribly raw at the moment. I know what's best for me, I just really hate him for forcing my hand like this.

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Originally Posted by Ginger2013 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I just really hate him for forcing my hand like this.

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Perhaps it was a but stupid taking him back after all the crap you'd already put up with? There's a big difference between being a nice supportive person and a doormat.
I had a girlfriend once. She started to become a pain in the bum. She is now an ex-girlfriend. Get the idea?

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Originally Posted by Boisdevie [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Perhaps it was a but stupid taking him back after all the crap you'd already put up with? There's a big difference between being a nice supportive person and a doormat.
I had a girlfriend once. She started to become a pain in the bum. She is now an ex-girlfriend. Get the idea?

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Trust me I know. He actually started a program of therapy for his anger issues. I moved out and never moved back in. I gave him a second chance because I love him and he did show improvement and growth. But I guess in the end, some things never change. I do believe in second chances, as I said, the emotions are raw because I was wrong. He couldn't change even though he showed every sign of wanting do to so for HIM, and not for US.

And btw Boisdevie, dont' kick me when I'm down please, I'm certainly not stupid. Just ruled by my heart.

Idk if You are but Don't try to analyze why he did this... U know he's got problems. At the end of the day, you are the most important person In your life and u showed emotion like any normal human would. I'm so sorry he's gotten you so mad. A couple days ago my bf pissed me off really bad and made me feel down too. It sucks, you just want everything to be good and anger is such an awful emotion for me, and probably for you too. I hope u feel better and I hope everything works out. I hope u have someone close to u that u can vent to.

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Originally Posted by Ginger2013 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I'm sitting there stunned...like wtf just happened here??? He just totally made fun of my piano playing and somehow I'm in the wrong because it hurt my feelings?......but I really do (honestly) fail to see my part in making him angry like this. It's so frustrating and hurtful, I'm really a sweet person, never swear at him, always supportive, accommodating (doormatish) and he lashes out. It's tiring and I think I'm done now.

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Ginger, you DO play a part in all this. The reason this is still happening to you is because you stay in the same vicinity as him. The women (and men) who don't get abused have one thing in common: they don't tolerate being treated like sh1t. They don't go back for more if it does happen. They give support when it's really needed, but they don't give support when a person should be able to support themselves. They only accommodate within reason.

You strike me as being a lovely soul. Expect more for yourself and then you'll find the type of love you want.

I think that you tried and gave your best Ginger and this should help you move on. From what you said, his angry reactions hurt you and shock you and create instant enormous distance between you and him. Most probably even if you tried to continue this relationship, your love for him would be soon gone because your affection and desire for him could not survive to emotional shocks like that one for too long.

Are you sure you wasn't being overly sensitive in this situation? I'm just saying, he was playing around with you about the piano and you shut down for what? Do you have self esteem and confidence that you will get better at it? I don't wear my heart on my sleeve personally. I would have been like, whatever I'll get better and ignored it. Granted, he was wrong to call you out your name. Dead wrong. You said he was recovering and getting help. Maybe you all need to go your separate ways since you both get under each others skin. If you're clingy, needy and overly sensitive...people like that are annoying. He's disrespectful and that's a no no. Maybe you should end it.

My ex partner and I often make fun of each other; it's just banter. For example, he would say watching me reverse park was like watching a suspense movie lol

I guess this is where you have to figure out whether he was just having a joke or whether he was deliberately being nasty. You have to be careful not to go from one extreme to the other - ie. from being a 'doormat' to being hyper-vigilant.

Considering your history and his anger issues, I don't think you were being over-sensitive. And even if you were (which I repeat, I don't think is the case), a loving partner should never make you feel unworthy of him - as soon as he saw you were upset, he should have told you he was joking and that he actually supports and admires you (all this said in a loving, calm and happy way), instead of bursting out in anger like that.

Get rid of him, you know he's bad for you.

Now that you openly admitted to all and yourself it is not working, time to move on.

A second chance can happen a year from now. He needs time to work on himself, and prove he's changed. You keeping yourself tethered to him just enables his shit behavior.

Go solid NC, Ging.

Well he did a lot to change but then little joke about piano skills hurts you when in fact you should understand that its nothing to overal picture on how amazing he sees you as a person. So you took it so personaly like you would have low confidence, like you werent sure that he loves you. It hurt him - your weakness caused his pain that turned into anger. I think guy is better in expressing bad emotions rather then good. Shall he complimented you enought, your confidence would be where it should be. Once you love yourself a lot these things cant hurt you cause it would be just like dog barking. Or you would think that he says it becaus ehe likes you and you would react positive.

Anyway you both have problems.

I remember there was one girl who I liked and she sometimes used "french" when talked about me. I always took it personal even if she said it with sweetness and love. yet when she actually said good things and said that she likes me I ignored it cause I didnt loved myself and didnt believed that she meaned it. She was simple, rought girl and my insecurity about myself and her feelings pissed her off because she realy did like me.