He won't talk!! Just don't know what to do??!!
Hi,
Would really appreciate any advise anyone is willing to give me!!
My husband and I have been married a year and a half. Always had a decent relationship - a few arguments and hiccups along the way, but when pointed out by him, I always saw the error I had made and apologised, etc. I have a 4 year old daughter from my previous marriage and we have a 1 year old daughter together.
After a big argument, he left me three and a half months ago. Said I had no respect for him, spoke to him like cr*p and took him for granted. I'd done this for two years apparently, he had given me chance to change and I hadn't and never would. He moved out and now rents a house on his own. He rarely sees my older daughter and he has our younger daughter 3 nights a week.
I spent a great deal of time thinking about everything, about what he said and he was right. I see that now and have made a lot of changes to myself to be more respectful to everyone, less selfish, etc. Obviously, I have tried to communicate this to him, tried to show him that things will be different and that I have changed (for myself as well as everyone else). I've tried to take the responsibility but also not make it about me. However, he says he can't give me another chance, I won't change, things wouldn't be different and I have destroyed him. At no point has he ever said he does not love me any more (in fact, just after Xmas I asked him and his response was "that's got nothing to do with anything").
In the time since he left, he has stayed over and slept with me numerous times. He's also gone through various stages. He says he needs space, then we need to learn to be friends, then there's no chance, then we need to learn to be friends, then he needs space, etc. The other day, he decided that he keeps wondering if there's any way back for us, but every time he does, he comes back to a 'lie' that I told in front of him to my ex husband the night he left me. I hadn't actually lied, and I explained clearly what I had said. So, firstly, why only bring this up months later and how can he base the future on a lie that was never told?
As so much time has passed, and this month he has stopped paying half of the mortgage (leaving me in a very difficult position!) I have told him it can't carry on and I will go to a solicitor to sort it all out. He has been for a free initial appointment this morning. I keep saying that I don't want to go down this route, but he won't sit down and talk to me. If I text him, he responds for a bit, but then just ignores me.
I really think if we could sit down together and really talk about everything, we could start to sort things out. I'm not asking him to move back in, all is forgiven - I have a lot to do and prove. He just won't though. How do I get him to?
Please help!
Clare