What happend to me ?

My first relationship lasted 6 years,

I have always been a loving caring lad and always wanted an equal relationship.

The 6 years had ups and downs, was also engaged.

A lot happened in that time and it would take ages to write, anyway no one cheated, just argued a lot , we lived together for a year, she struggled with doing things for herself due to laziness, eventually she created more and more arguments, both moved back home due to money issues, few month later she ends it.

She's always been clingy and scared of me going off with someone else, she plucked up this courage from some ware.

In the 6 years she piled a lot of weight on, this reduced the sex in the relationship a lot, this lasted for 3 years, i was sexually frustrated, this made every argument worse. she attended weight loss classes but she couldn't stick the the diets.

Anyway I loved her a lot, its been 2 month now and over a month with no contact, she is still single. I went on a dating site after 3 weeks and met a girl, I fort if I have sex or meet someone new it will make me know that I am wanted ect,

Turns out the girl I meet is not a girl that i would normally go for regarding her looks. she is more of a 'nerd' and that how she sees her self, having hardly any friends and no actual real relationship with a guy. she talks a lot but is easily embarrassed.

I miss my ex and love her very much, regardless of her weight. but shes changed, started going out drinking and wants to do other things. she could have had more of a social life with me, i never stopped her going out or anything.

The new girl i have met, i have no feelings at all for her, and its just sex, i have full control of the relationship and she can not over ride me. I have never been like this with a girl. I always wanted to care for and love the person i am with. i feel like a green monster has taken over me. she dresses how i want and does what i want and i am using it to get what i want. i feel very bad after.

she is not a girl i would show to my friends ether. i don't want her to be 'in my life' she doesn't know my friends, or my family. i keep her totally out of it and she doesn't even question it. Shes not even on my Facebook page. I dont want her to meet my parents or get to know the real me.

I have met her parents. and i think shes really in to me, because i am more 'out there' and i am the kind of guy she probably never thought she would get.

She doesn't go out clubbing or have many friends. So i can pretty much know that she will not go off or cheat, she doesn't look the type. she seems genuine.

I don't know if my feelings will come in time, maybe it will take longer for me because of what i have been through, or maybe they wont come at all.

Because i keep her out of my life i don't think i will ever get close to her, she doesn't know the real me, i aint very nice with her, i am rough and just tell her what i want and she does it. I know what to say to her to keep her sweet too.

Where most girls i know and meet usually would have told me to F off weeks ago, this girl has not, she does what i want and gives me what i want. Or is she doing this because the relationship is new ?

I remember when i first met my ex, i was slow and loving, i cared and shared. but she didn't share and eventually she didnt care ether. I hate wot i went though. and maybe this is what i have become ?

i feel like the new girl is just property, not a person and i get off on her doing wot i want all the time. even when she questions me i can talk her around.

It feels more like a DOM / SUB relationship. I never thought i would want a relationship this way. I wanted equality and to work together for things and care for each other, but since i have been deeply hurt and am still hurt and messed up inside i have turned in to some sort of user. I have turned in to the guy i use to call 'nasty' to girls. I use to think i was different and i was in my first relationship. but since i have been hurt i have changed in to this monster.

I can not ask her to be friends i am scared of loosing her, i want her for company and to full fill my desires, i feel greedy and nasty and i can not stop my self from what i am doing.

I want to me the genuine guy again, the one with a heart and feelings.

The new girl obeying me is not making things better for me. its letting me take advantage. i want a strong girl who can support me too.

all that i have is someone who is full filling my desires, one way relationship. she doesn't do anything for me apart from what i want when i want.

will i get my heart back ? will i recover from my past ? have i changed as i have got older and want a DOM / SUB relationship ? am not sure what i want anymore. and my feelings of respect, love and care for a girl friend have gone. its not about keeping her safe in my arms, taking her out to see new things, its about me, its all about me, getting what i want. and she is letting me do this.....

Helpful advise please !

You need to break up with this girl. You know your behavior is wrong and it is just damaging your self esteem and it will damage you long term if you continue. You know it is not right to treat a girl this way and you feel bad about it.

You have a broken heart and you are not ready to deal with it and this girl is a distraction. But you have to deal with it and having sex with her will not help you. You need to be alone, grieve the loss of the relationship, go through all the feelings and emotions and heal slowly. You cannot be in a healthy relationship while you are not healthy and you cannot allow yourself to become this monster who is awful to women.

Try to deal with this in a healthy way. Surround yourself with positive people, family and friends who care. Join the gym or a new hobby, start studying a course or focus on work. It will get easier, take each day at a time but leave that poor girl alone. She doesn't deserve to be sucked into all your issues.

Shes probably vulnerable, naive, insecure, low self esteem. That is why she is putting up with all this crap. Apologize to her and tell her you cant be with anyone right now and say sorry for the way you treated her and then stay away from her

I know what you're feeling. It's like you're trying to fill a void in your heart with a piece that doesn't fit. Michelle is right, you need to break up with this girl, for your sake and for hers.

Michelle is right break up this girl and give yourself some time to figure things out before you go into another relationship