Opinion regarding a confused ex.
I was with my ex boyfriend for a year. I'm in my 20s and he's in his 30s. We lived together, took care of each other and has travelled together. He met my parents and friends. He also brought me along on his family trip.
His family is quite traditional who wants his wife to be of same nationality and religion and solid family background (no divorce or adulterer parents). I was actually the first girl he introduces to his family that doesn't fit all those requirements.
One day we said he thinks it's better for us to go on our separate ways. He thought the next step is to commit to me and was saying how he can't give me a ring yet. I told him I don't need a ring yet, we were not ready for that. I don't even ask one! He brought the subject himself in panic!
He said he connected the most with me and I treat him the best. But He told me every time he thinks about the future, he keeps thinking about the background difference (which probably make no sense to some of you, it's his belief system based on his cultural and environmental values) and it might not work out in the long run. He also feels I like him more than he does, he wants to try meeting other women too. He doesn't want to be committed right now.
I let him go. I love him and I will fight but only if he's willing too. I dated other men and he did too (from mutual friend's info).
I heard he only date women that fit the family requirement after the break up (he confirmed this later too).
After 6 months of No contact, he contacted me. We met up. We are still attracted to each other. He has seen several people but keeps comparing them to me and doesn't feel the click. He never contacted any of his other exes back (we had that conversation when we were still together) so it's a somewhat positive sign.
He like me a lot but he's not sure about going back and being in an exclusive relationship with me (or anybody).
No, he's not having sex with other women or sleep over. We meet once or twice a week. He let me know his schedule and made time around mine. He is seeing somebody on regular basis (roughly once a week). He told me when I ask that he doesn't feel like he should be in relationship...with her. Well, I'm still going on other dates too.
He took me out, made sure I eat well, help me when I need even when I don't ask, ask about my days, etc.
I told him when I feel he's being hot and cold or act distant. How he thinks about the situation and if this bother him, rather than me making assumptions. He fixed it and communicate with me more.
He is confused. One day he thinks many it's better to leave, it's unlikely we go back together. Then another day he wants to be with me, doesn't want to stop seeing me, he's interested romantically and its possible for us to be together again. He often ask me suddenly:
"why do you like me?"
"Why are you so nice to me?"
"What if I hurt you again?" <-- he asked that repeatedly.
I told him in not going to wait around forever or stop dating other people until we both agree to be exclusive.
We are not going to have sex with other people or be with them without letting the other know.
Im attracts to him and love him and I acknowledged what we had before was over. That's why I'm dating him again.
I said he's not my back burner and if he thinks I am then he can just go. If he hurt me, so be it, I am responsible for my own emotion and happiness. I want to be with him but I'm not and I can't force him.
What's your opinion based on this data? How's this situation looks like to you? A lost cause or hopeful?
He has his personal work to do regArding his confusion, but what can I do to help him?
Any advice regarding the situation? Not only for my sake, but also his.
Thank you!
