new here...need some long distance relationship advice

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14-04-11, 09:57 PM
jeepgirl11

new here...need some long distance relationship advice

hi all,

i found this website this morning & decided to reach out for some advice regarding my LDR. my boyfriend & i have been together for 2 years, and live about 1.5 hours away from each other. not terribly far, but our work situations only allow us to see each other during the weekends. i have a job that has been making me quite depressed for the past few months, and he runs his own business from home. we are still living with our parents, however, have decided we are going to move in together as soon as possible. the problem is we are both working a lot to save up money so we can make it happen. his business takes up many of our weekends (traveling, and most of the time we have friends with us) so 'alone time' isn't as often as we would both like.

during the week we talk online when we can, and usually talk on the phone at night. the only reason we talk on the phone is because i want to...he would be fine without hearing my voice all week, which upsets me. my biggest issue that i've been struggling with internally is that on the weekends he acts like he couldnt be happier with me and is all about me...constantly wants to be near me, hugs, kisses, holding hands, everything i could want...but during the week it's almost as if he wants nothing to do with me sometimes. i know we're both busy with our jobs, but sometimes you just need your boyfriend/girlfriend and i don't think he realizes that? i'm just getting frustrated because i know we want to move in together but the money situation is holding both of us back so it seems like time is dragging on.

i guess i just don't know what to do. should i stop pressuring him to get on the phone with me at night? i am very insecure so i am easily offended/upset over things like this and often read into things way too much...please help!!
14-04-11, 10:11 PM
kat1203

Quote:

Originally Posted by jeepgirl11 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

hi all,

i found this website this morning & decided to reach out for some advice regarding my LDR. my boyfriend & i have been together for 2 years, and live about 1.5 hours away from each other. not terribly far, but our work situations only allow us to see each other during the weekends. i have a job that has been making me quite depressed for the past few months, and he runs his own business from home. we are still living with our parents, however, have decided we are going to move in together as soon as possible. the problem is we are both working a lot to save up money so we can make it happen. his business takes up many of our weekends (traveling, and most of the time we have friends with us) so 'alone time' isn't as often as we would both like.

during the week we talk online when we can, and usually talk on the phone at night. the only reason we talk on the phone is because i want to...he would be fine without hearing my voice all week, which upsets me. my biggest issue that i've been struggling with internally is that on the weekends he acts like he couldnt be happier with me and is all about me...constantly wants to be near me, hugs, kisses, holding hands, everything i could want...but during the week it's almost as if he wants nothing to do with me sometimes. i know we're both busy with our jobs, but sometimes you just need your boyfriend/girlfriend and i don't think he realizes that? i'm just getting frustrated because i know we want to move in together but the money situation is holding both of us back so it seems like time is dragging on.

i guess i just don't know what to do. should i stop pressuring him to get on the phone with me at night? i am very insecure so i am easily offended/upset over things like this and often read into things way too much...please help!!

I understand how you are feeling but maybe it's not that he doesn't care if he speaks to you as much during the week maybe it's just that he is focusing so much on earning money to eventually moving in with you. You should definitely discuss your concerns with him just so he knows how you feel, don't demand though, guys hate that. Good luck!
14-04-11, 10:31 PM
jeepgirl11

Quote:

Originally Posted by kat1203 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I understand how you are feeling but maybe it's not that he doesn't care if he speaks to you as much during the week maybe it's just that he is focusing so much on earning money to eventually moving in with you. You should definitely discuss your concerns with him just so he knows how you feel, don't demand though, guys hate that. Good luck!

yeah, i hate demanding things..i dont ever do it...but sometimes i just get so frustrated that i cant just say what i want to say. i try to stay calm & see things from his POV but sometimes its almost impossible
14-04-11, 10:46 PM
steviej

As a guy there is nothing worse than being called every day by your gf who is feeling depressed, has nothing interesting to talk about except moan about work.
I don't mean to sound harsh but i had an ex who was similar, she was massively insecure and wanted to speak to me every single night despite having nothing really to say, she would just witter on and i'd be bored and trying to get her off the phone.

You should try not ringing him and see if/when he calls you. If everything is great when you see each other then personally i think the problem is with you, not him.
14-04-11, 10:52 PM
jeepgirl11

Quote:

Originally Posted by steviej [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

As a guy there is nothing worse than being called every day by your gf who is feeling depressed, has nothing interesting to talk about except moan about work.
I don't mean to sound harsh but i had an ex who was similar, she was massively insecure and wanted to speak to me every single night despite having nothing really to say, she would just witter on and i'd be bored and trying to get her off the phone.

You should try not ringing him and see if/when he calls you. If everything is great when you see each other then personally i think the problem is with you, not him.

the problem is we do talk a good amount during the day online...so by the time night comes around we have almost nothing to talk about, which leaves us in silence or just complaining. we discussed this issue before and we could put certain 'happy' things aside to talk about at night...like our plans for the weekend, if anything exciting happened to either one us...and it worked and still does. but there are just some days where work really sucked and hes the one person i just always go to. i've been trying to go to other people 1st, like my parents and friends, so by the time i get around to talk to him im all vented out and just want to focus on good things. he is just not a phone person and never has been, and i just like to hear his voice once a day..so the call at night has always been the one thing we have done.