hi all...
i'm new here...glad to know that there is such a forum to pour my heart out..hehe..anyway...dunno if you guys can help me,...or have any suggestion...here it goes; i've been liking this guy since i was in year 6...yea...he's my first big crush...nothing happened back then...but now for some reason we become in touch with each other after 9 years apart...we talk on MSN and he's always the one who called me me first. we became close. ever since i know him, he's this type of guy who doesn't open up his feeling easily. But he started to change...for a couple of times, we had deep discussion, and all that...i must admit i still like him so much, definitely more than just a friend anyway...
But, at the moment, we live so far apart, he's in my home country, and i live in Australia...we can only meet when i have university holiday...one of my female friend (she's pretty), she lives in the same city as him. She's just broke up from her boyfriend, and she's looking for a new one. she told me her feelings, and i comforted her, and we started to become close. then she asked me about my love life, then i told her that i like that guy (just say...his name is "P") he's our school mate while we were in grade 6.
The very next day, i knew from friendster, that she gave "P" a testimonial, very nice too...then there's also a reply from "p" for her. I immediately felt threatened. I was scared that she might want to woo him and take him away from me (not like he's mine already tho,...) cos she is rather a popular girl in our home town...many guys like her cos she's pretty. so i'm scared that "P" would like her too. which is the last thing that i want that to happen. altho, "P" is not the type of guy who falls in love easly. still...i am scared.
i have a serious self esteem problem, ever since i was little. just by thinking who my "competitor" is...i am scared to death. almost, i wanted to give up my hope on "p". cos i knew that i wouldnt have a chance of getting him to be mine. my female friend might have much bigger chance...cos they live in the same hometown, she's pretty...and all that. Whereas me and "p" live in different country (altho i'm planning to go back for goor by the end of my university semester) on that day, i was depressed (funny i know..)
i didnt talk much in MSN on that day that he tried to chat with me. he noticed that there's something wrong with me. so he kept on asking, actually i didnt want to tell him what happened, cos i was embarassed that he might think that i was weird. he got angry with me, cos i treated him differently. then i told him 'like u care!" then he said that he cared. and he was surprised when he knew that i thought he didnt care about me. short story...he got angry. He told me that he only had 2 best friends...i am one of them. thats why he cares if i treat him differently. so...finally i told him what happened. but i didnt mention that the guy that i like is him. i just told him "someone". i also told him about my concern that the girl might "take" him away from me. and i was so scared of losing him. i also told him that the girl might not treat my "someone" right. cos i know who this girl is. anyway...he comforted me. telling me that i shouldn't think too much, and just flow with the time. see what happens.
i suspect that he knew that the guy that i mentioned to him is actually him tho....cos he definitely knew that i was crazy about him when we were in grade 6. and up until now, i still treated him special, and pay more attention to him than anyone else). so im afraid he knows my feeling. and maybe...he knows that i still like him, and knows who the guy is.
since then...he hasnt talked to me like before. last time i asked him, he said that he's busy with his work. but i have this negative thoughts...is he trying to avoid me? i just feel that he might get dissapointed that i like him more than a friend. whereas he always treated me as his best friend...i dont know...
it's important to know that his mother is my mum's best friend, and she's currently sick (she got cancer), my mum told me that "P" would be unlikely to approach a girl right now, cos he might be too preoccupied with his work (he just opened a new business with his friends 2 weeks ago), and he might be worrying about his mum's sickness.
it's understandable, but i dont see that he's worrying about it too much. he can still joke with me...talk with his female friends, and all that...nothing so serious like what my mum said. thats why i dont think this is the reason. Maybe the only reason is that he doesnt like me the way that i do....am i right?
