Venting ( Comments are heavily recommended)
I don't get it. I love this girl or at least I think I do. I think about her constantly and if I'm not thinking about her I'm dreaming about her. It sucks because the girl who is always on my mind is my ex. To be honest I don't think we shouldn't have been broken up in the first place, yet she thinks otherwise. I am not afraid toadmit when I am wrong, but I can also honestly say that I did nothing wrong to cause the end of us. Background about her is that she is about my age with a child that she had from a dude that two timed her and greatly hurt her. Unfortunately for me, this is the same dude that she had before me. He was total jerk while I was the guy who had that balance of nice guy and a jerk. In other words, I am a good guy.
I don't lie, cheat or steal. I am open and honest with people in my life and I work for what I get. You would think she would love the fact that she has a guy who looks after her, lets her have space and truly wants to see her happy but I guess not. We broke up 3 times in 3 months because of her insecurities. The only thing I did was live my life and this caused her to break up with me. The first time I broke up with her because I felt she was playing games. The second and third time she broke up with me because she thought I was cheating on her which is farthest from the truth. This is coming from a guy who doesn't like cheaters in the first place so why would I do what I hate? Yes, I have female friends, but if you ask them or anyone I know they will vouch for me that I won't take up a side chick. I am a one woman man for crying out loud.
I tried hard to keep us together and her happy. For example I not a party person, but I do kick it with friends from time to time. I stopped going to clubs and parties because I knew I would be tempted. I go to a college where its known for being a party school and the girls are very pretty. Its not hard to be tempted. Before I dated her I had other options and as soon as we went on the first date, I stopped communication with them. When other guys would probably tried to get her a baby sitter to watch the kid, I would just pack her and her kid in my car and we would all just hang out. I tried to make it as comfortable as possible for her and it wasn't because I felt I had to. I just wanted to. It felt good to make her feel good about her self and her situation. I took pride in that.
As for her, she never really put in any effort. She never returned my calls or a majority of my texts. She would always cancel dates by not telling me that she was going to do it. She never called or texted me randomly just to see how I was doing. When we hung out she would even answer a friend's call or text while with me. The only time I did that was when it was important. If she ever gave me something it was because she felt she needed to. On my birthday I just wanted to spend time with her and her kid and that was it. She made plans with her family and decided to invite me at the last minute like she didn't even know it was my b-day. On top of that she gave me a balloon that was popped before it even got to me. The next day she dumps me. Apparently, a female friend on my Facebook made a comment on my status and my ex instantly thought I was cheating. I didn't get it. Her best friend didn't either. She sided with me on breakup, yet she never met me.
It was hard for me. It was the start of summer vacation and instead of enjoying it I'm locked away in my room sadder than a depressed mime. Every time I slept I would dream of her and every time I woke up I would cry. It became so bad that I dreaded going to sleep. Seeing her family didn't help either. Here I am trying to get over her and her family pops up everywhere I go to remind me of her. It sucks badly. I showed in my attitude. I was starting to alienate both friends and family. I would go through mood swings throughout the day. I thought that by using basketball as my therapy would help but it only made me angrier. As I played against random guys on the court my mind would start to wonder which of these guys is probably with her right now. These thoughts were enough to get me to want to fight. Remember I am usually cool, calm and collected. I know what most are thinking. I can hear your voices saying "Get Over It Already". I used to think the same thing before I went through it myself.
My feelings for her are so intense. I don't know if I actually love her or just heavily infatuated. I do know that I can't stop thinking about her and I wish nothing less of getting back together with her. Its weird because the person who caused me pain is the one I want. They say try to see it from the other's point of view and I still don't understand. She gets hurts by a guy who clearly didn't care about her, yet hurts the guy who does care. I cared so much I had thoughts of putting a ring on her finger. I would've loved to wake up next to her every morning and her being my reason for coming home just so I could interact with her beautiful soul. My mind tells me to stop and find some one else who is worthy of being my wife, yet my heart tells me to fight for this girl. For the first time in my life I don't know what to do. If I keep fighting I will probably keep getting burned. If I let go I kinda feel like I gave up on love and the idea of finding that special someone. What do you guys think?
