What would you want me to do?

ok so briefly over two years this is how it goes
when i was 19, about 15 years ago i met this man and fell madly in love with him. what we had was the best thing on earth, so much so i wondered if people had ever bee in love - as this was replicated.

in 2002 we had a child, a little boy. We split up in 2007, he was cheating ( he sort of still cant admit to it but has given a little way so....)

two years ago, November 27th, to be exact we slept together and sparked this flint again. He had a girlfriend at the time but got close again, for a few weeks it seemed intense before we even hugged. then i hugged him and swiftly left. i mean him and me always we've always hung out but hadn't seen each other for a few months.

In between all that my parents got parental responsibility for our little boy as i had a hard time for our break up, i mean we went to court together and everything. I feel he should have been madder but forgiving me wasn't even an issue and he supported me whilts it was going on.

Two years later ...

... back to his girlfriend (of four years)... all this had gone on whilts they were together long story short she was away we hugged and the next time he says he read her emails on the ipad she left behind (she was on a farm real life show tv thing in australia) and saw she went to get the morning after pill and explained that she must have cheated all the while i was trying to stop the tears run down my face (they were pouring down my face i love him so much i could not bear him being hurt)

- so we slept togrther and kept a regular thing going weekly at first then it seemed me chasing ( but i guess im bound to say that) i mean when his lease was up she moved out with him. but i make excuses thinking he wont want to hurt her.... argh!!!!

anyway, our son has a sister 7 years older. she has been thro a bad time with her mum and thro the freedom of information act has got hold of her social work folder (she too got adopted by her nan) and today he read them. he says his mum had written stuff as well, she passed away when our son was a baby so it must have hit hard i understand

i have lost my home because i could not keep up with the rent. im living at friends and hotels (just a week prior to that he had moved a lodger in, which is a friend of his)and a week before this he emptied his flat out, says he let her have it all. but yeah so i lost my home he helped , still does with the storage costs and everything but i go to training for cabin crew and all this does my head in so i explained that i want my things (the things which are not in storage but at his work) so that i could get on with my life) which i think he understood.

we see each other at the weekend, he doesnt have my things and we spend time together... as i kiss him tears run down my face and i explain to him that you know its too hard as he plays stupid he says he is free on wednesday,. but as it goes i chase him around again i called him about 20times before he answers, and he gives me all this about our sons sister, which i do understand and askes me to give him space. how much space coz i text him straight after about my life how it not fair on me but now i get it - he wants space. do i text him i get it???.

I explainrd to him about wanting my stuff because i saw a video about saying this to him to get him hooked or something. it went along the lines " hey i can see right now we are at different places.... i hope im still there when youre ready the video was he doesnt value you the only way hell ever change.... I think I said this the time before I saw him last but not sure it went in
when i started crying last time i saw him he was all like whats wrong so I trold him I could not do this anymore he started saying what if i move my flatmate out, cant you be strong and wait a bit longer... the thing is I had sent him a text saying hey, just dawned you aren't getting my txts so youre not to know if you don't already. I need all my stuff you have got in your van at your work and at kates.it would be decent of you to do this asap. I know your very important job disables you a bit and all but if you haven't realised I want all my stuff swifly as II'm done with what ever this was and these ties are just dragging on now. Please help me get my stuff out of the van. 5.30 is no good I don't have a lift after 5 and I worry about it being in the van all the time. when you have all the other stuff together just give us a ring to arrange something. I don't want any hard feelings... just a clear head to start my new job . ps I will have the storage stuff out of there in a couple days too. ok take care Kerry. Sophie

that message was sent on the third. i spoke with him the next day on the phone and asked him if he got my message he said he had. But he seemd surprised on sunday. Hes always saying things like when we kiss its elctric and sweet things which he was full of that day. But hes also saying things like he is scared to get back together fully as my parents and everyone else etc. On the way back he was pretty much silent yho I think it was me being distant..
We were meant to meet up on wednesday so i could get the rest of my things that are in his work shop in london and thats why i phoned him. Thats when he said he was reading this file about his daughter. and i think he blames himself coz he's always working (hes a trooper like that , he use to do air conditioning now he does anti gravity running machines). on the phone he said he was going into a depression and i also asked him when he will be going to work next ( he did promise on sunday he'll get the big van and my things) tho i do understand hes being depressed, and he said he wasnt going to go to work again the way he feels. then i talked about our sons birthday which is on monday he says he doesnt know. then he tells me he needs space . and that was our last conversation.I did send him a text straight after saying But this is hardly fair on me is it??? i just want my stuff so its all away from you and then i can get on with my life. i cant even get on with my training properly coz youre still messing with my lifex

That was my last communication with him. Please help me. His ex is still in the background i thought about ringing her before but i know that will do more damage I just really dont want him to go there or to anyone else and i know by his facebook he probably hasnt gone to work . And i feel i should say something to him but i dont know what. My sons birthday is on Monday but he goes to boarding school so it'll be celebrated on sunday.
Also me and his daughter spoke few weeks ago about taking her daughter whos 5 years old to the fair which is this weekend, should i avoid this all together??
I do want this guy in my life and i probably havent made it easier with my banging on and now it breaks me as he probably thinks he hasnt got me for support if he wanted it.
I hope ive given you all the information if not just ask
I really love this guy. Have I lost him? what should I do to get him back?