he, his friends and partying, me and him -- two worlds apart

There's a few more things just in the topic, I feel like I just need to vent a little and get some opinions...

I live in a relatively large city, my boyfriend (João) lives in a village 24kms away, but studies here. However, he will change to a school about 15 kms from me, where he best friend (Nuno) lives. So, he has two groups of guys he hangs out with: some from his school here and Nuno's friends.

I'm at home and my boyfriend is out on the party of Nuno's village. I don't mind if he goes out, it's perfectely normal he likes to hang out with his friends, I like being with my friends as well. The question is... he can say my best friends are his friends, we 4 hang out together, we all get along... all I can say about his friends is that I say to them "hi, how are you?".

For the two years we have been together, he never made an effort to make me have a friendship with his friends. I only see his friends from school when I meet him there (we attended different schools, by the way), and all I can say is "hi". His idea of blending me with his friends is "throwing" me to the middle of 5 of them I don't know. I'm very, but very shy, especially if I am among a HUGE group where I barely know anyone. The last time this happened, we were passing by and some of his friends were at a cafe and we decided to stay with them. There were around 4/5 friends of him I barely see (meanwhile, more 3 arrived). They spoke among them, my boyfriend spoke too, about things I couldn't participate, for instance, about Maths or Chemistry (my past education was focused on languages, Filosophy (sp?) and History). I know it wasn't my boyfriend's fault, but I just fell like I was tossed there, as if I were a stranger who just sat at that table because there were no other chairs around.

About his other group of friends (Nuno's friends), it's even worse. My boyfriend lives in an area where most villages/cities have public parties. He hasn't got the driver's license, so, to get home, he depends on trains, but as at night there are no trains, when he goes to those parties, he needs a ride home or someone who lets him sleep over (Nuno). I have never, ever met most of his friends from that group. And the ones I have, it's because we have met them on the street. But he never introduces me, or introduces them to me. He goes to those parties (at least, 16/20 days every year, because each city has 2 parties, which last 4/5 nights each) and never asks me to go with him. The only time he has was when we had been together for 4 months. He had everything settled to go with Nuno, but he got a girl to go with him and my boyfriend asked me to go aswell, I remember he said "please, come with me, I don't want to be left alone while Nuno is making out with her". I went, his parents dropped us there, picked us up and took me home. But since then, I have never, ever heard me asking me to go.

It hurts me that he never asks me to go and, when he did, wasn't really because he wanted me to go, he just didn't want to be alone. By November last year, I asked him why he never wanted me around his friends and asked if he was ashamed of me. He told me he couldn't have me and his friends at the same time, because he can't pay attention to any of us, but he would work on that.

Months later, in June, we had an argument and we decided, to make things work out, to tell straight away what sort of things we would like us to change. He said he sometimes needed space (not the breaking-up space lol). For instance, just to say "I'm thinking of you", I call him, let the call beep only once and hang up. It's normal to do so when we are apart, but he says his friends at the parties were "Get off the cell!! You're glued to that!!", when he'd do that every hour, I think it's reasonable. I agreed to give him that kind of space and I brought again the friends issue. Again, he said he was sorry, it was the way he is, but he would change.

In July, he had a party in a city nearby and he left me out again. I was completely sad through all that time, he noticed it and wanted to know why, but I didn't tell him until all the days of the party were over, because I wanted him to have fun without feeling guilty. When I told him what was wrong, he said he was sorry, that he wouldn't do it again. I thought that through those days he had been sleeping at Nuno's grandmother, and I told him that I knew I had no place to sleep, but that it would be nice to be invited. He then said it wouldn't have been a problem, it was possible to get a ride to take us to his house.

So, the party at Nuno's city has started and my boyfriend is sleeping at his house. He told me he wanted me to go (which I less and less believe), but it would be impossible, once he was sleeping at Nuno's (so... now he can't get a ride home?...he didn't even ask anyone...) He went the first night (Friday to Saturday), but didn't go Saturday because Nuno wasn't going. So, my boyfriend invited me to sleep at his house, which I did. Saturday night, he asked if I'd like to sleep there Sunday as well, I said I needed to talk to my parents, but it was late to do so. Later in the evening, he tells me "I have to talk to Nuno, I don't know at what time I should be at his house tomorrow to go the party." I said nothing, but I just thought "he asked me to sleep over Sunday and now he's saying he's going?!?!" Sunday morning I asked him how it would be, if he was going or not... he said he didn't know, it depended if Nuno went or not. So, if Nuno didn't go, I'd stay, if Nuno went, I'd go home. Nuno is a motocross/supercross pilot and he was training, so my boyfriend said it was useless to call him, because he doesn't check on his cell. After bugging him for a while, he called Nuno, but he didn't answer, but as soon as he checked his cell, he'd call my boyfriend. Later, after tea, I asked to see what trains I had to go home. After all, I had no idea if I was going or staying, I needed to get ready in case I'd go home, and still needed to call my parents. The next train I had was at 20.34... kind of late. (My mom hates it when I come on trains after dark, because they stop at an area of the city which is desert at that time, especially on a Sunday... and buses on Sunday, after 7 pm are VERY rare.) Anyway, it was the train I had to get in case I'd go home. But I was very nervous about what my mom would say about me getting home so late.

So, Nuno called at 8 pm, said he was going to the party. My boyfriend told his mom he was going and she went "what about Nádia?", and when he said I was going home she said she was thinking I'd stay until Tuesday, when my parents are going to their house. Everyone at his house got concerned about me going alone on a train at night (with reasons). However, he was totally fine with that, and with knowing I'd stay forever at the bus stop, in a desert area. I was also a bit afraid, but I really needed to go and everyone (except him) really wanted me to stay. Then his mother said "what about I get you two there, later you call me, and I'll pick you up and you two sleep here?" and he went "I'm saving you trouble by sleeping there!". So, basically, his mom was asking about me going too and he basically said he didn't want. His mom was mad at him because he showed he only cared about going to the party and didn't even care about my safety... and that's how I feel as well...

I felt like crying all the way home, I am crying now... I am a very emotional person, I get hurt and cry over almost anything, and I keep everything to myself... I'm so sad, he never changed and he never will, I feel like I am struggling against the tide without paddles. His idea of being with friends and of partying will never, EVER include me, he's excluding me from it, the girl he said he will marry. When it comes to those parties, he doesn't see anything else.

Don't get me wrong, I love him to death, he loves me the same way, and our relationship is great. These little things are not often, but they kill me... by the way, he's at the party and it's been 4h30m since he last gave me signs of live, and I sent him an SMS 1 hour ago asking if everything was OK... it's not fair, I give him space, I change that and he can't make a small effort for me?!?!

I'm so sorry this post is so long, but I needed it desperately...

PS - I'm better now, I wrote this last night, but I still feel the same way...