A complicated sex friend story

Hello everybody,

I am a new member on this forum and I hope you will help me to understand the behaviour of this guy ;) and I hope you will understand my English ^^

I met a guy two months agos : we liked each other, have a lot in common and the same way of thinking so it was almost love at the first sight for both of us…but I wasn’t really single when I met him. I was in a break with someone else for a month. He knew that I still was in a relationship and when he asked me what kind of relationship I wanted with him, I didn’t know the answer because I was lost in my mind and so, he suggested a sexfriend relationship.

So we began this sexfriend relationship, we saw each other once a week, sex texts very often, texts all the time, etc…As I still was in a relationship (and this story hurt me a lot), I didn’t want to become attached to somebody else and I was afraid of this obvious attraction between us so I tried to make this relationship slower but he still wanted knowing more about me : for example, we agreed to hug to say hello and goodbye but he kissed me once as he was leaving (and I had a bad reaction because I still was lost with myself so he apologized for this kiss). However, he didn’t want me dating other guys and he was asking if I have met new guys etc… but I said him I didn’t want to date other guys so he said “Good! Then there is no problem “. At this moment, I asked him if he wanted us to spend more time together and to get to know us much better but he said he didn’t know. But starting from the day after, he began to share with me his daily life with texts and pictures.

A month later, I finally left my ex-boyfriend. I wasn’t expecting anything with this guy, I just wanted to keep our relationship and see, if there would be any changes between us, or not. So I told him that I was single now and for the first time, we saw each other twice a week. But what happened was unexpected because we spent two evenings lying on the couch with tv and we were talking and cuddling. I didn’t mind these changes because at this moment I was single. This first evening, he wanted staying the night with me but I couldn’t because I had to wake up early. The second evening, I decided to kiss him, exactly the same way as he tried before, and he had a very good reaction because he kissed me back. When I came home, I already have texts from him and the next morning too. So everything was all right.

But when I told him that I wanted seeing him again, he said he was busy and then there were two weeks of silence. I suggested him to spend time together but he told me : “What do you want me to do? We are not together…” I don’t how what does it mean…I was mad with this message so I answered him that we could spend time together without being a couple. But he told me he didn’t know if he wanted to. During these two weeks, he didn’t even answer my sex texts (and usually he always answered quickly to them). I also told him that he seemed cold and asked if there was a problem, or if he didn’t want seeing me again? He answered that there was no problem, he just was busy for a while. So I stopped texting him.
Last Sunday, I tried to text him again. He told me that he was going to text me and since this day, we don’t stop texting. He said he will have time to see me this week but I have noticed that whenever I send him a sex text, he never answered…but if I asked him how is he going, what is he doing, then we discuss the whole day.

I don’t know what to think of his behavior, I don’t know what he wants… I have the impression that this relationship is complicated since I am single and I was not expecting that…and by my side these two weeks without him helped me to realize that I care about him…

You jumped from one boyfriend right into having sex with some guy you didn't even hardly know. This guy took advantage of your naivete and vulnerability. You agreed to be his "sex friend" and that means someone who gets together once in a while and has a bit of sex with you and then nothing else in between.

Don't contact him again. Let yourself get to the stage of indifference to him and the attention he first gave you. He's just going to fvck with your head if you let him so do the mental work you need to do to keep yourself away from him.

It was Not "love at first sight" It was lust as first sight. You barely know him but you've found out he's an opportunist and is being an asshole to you and now that his lust has been satisfied, his craving for you has diminished. The bad part about it is that likely, after some time of no contact, he will try to get with you once again. Don't do that to yourself. Don't be with him again because you are not the type to be able to just screw and then not obsess about him. You'll drive yourself nuts if you get with him again.

How did you meet this guy?

First I would like to say that I do my best to express myself in English and sometimes it is possible that I use the wrong words. I wouldn’t have said “love at the first sight” in French and I just didn’t know how to say what I had in my mind in English. I felt it like a kind of love at the first sight but I am aware that it is not love ^^ And when I said that he had suggested a sex friend relationship, it was not exactly what he said but I didn’t know how to say it in English^^

I met him on the Internet (Tinder). I know what you may think so let me explain.

My story with my ex boyfriend hurt me a lot: I spent three years with him but with two years at distance. So the best we could see each other was once a month… and we had no sex at all for three years because he has some problems that he doesn’t want to accept so he made me think that I was not attractive enough to have sex with someone. That wasn’t true because I had no problem with my boyfriend before him but I was in love and he succeeded in convincing myself that he was true and I lost my self-confidence. So I needed to have my self-confidence again and I decided to subscribe on Tinder just to realize how much potential I have. So I was not expecting anything but it helped me to have again my self-confidence when I saw all these good-looking guys talking to me and I began to play with my potential. And one day I spoke with him and it took a few minutes to realize that we had a lot in common and I have stopped playing games. He wasn’t either expecting anything : he told me that he is single and wanted to get to know new people and what would happen would depend if attraction/feelings occur or not.

So we met in a bar to talk and the attraction was still there but he was respectful to my relationship so he didn’t try anything. The day he came home, he made me understand that he liked me but tried nothing. Although the attraction was so intense, he did not expect to have sex at this moment (that’s what he told me later). He told me he would not say no but he won’t try anything due to my situation. So I was the one who decided to have sex with him and he asked me if I was sure and I said yes. And I never will regret that because it’s very intense with him and he’s very attentive to me.

But I have considered this relationship just sexual so I wanted to text him only when I wanted to see him (as you said, it is the kind of things you do when the person is only a sexfriend, I agree...) : I thought that it was better for me and so I could not be attached to him. But he didn’t want going this way: he said that I really was intriguing(?) him, he wanted to know everything about me (which I didn’t do : I haven’t told him about my whole life), wanted to hear from me everyday… when I began to text him more often, he said he was really pleased that I show interest for him because he had the impression that it was not mutual.

I haven’t left my ex boyfriend for him and he knows… but he is the one who has changed his behavior starting from the day he knew I was single and starting from the evening I let him be tender rather than “sexual” with me. (while I wanted to have sex these two evenings). I have showed him clearly that I want sex with him, so why does he want to see me and did he not take advantage of the situation two times when I show him that I want him? And why does he never answer my sex texts anymore but only my messages when I show real interest for him?