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When I asked him generally if he saw himself getting married, he said no. The only thing he would tell me about his plans for the next couple of years was he wanted to pay off his student loans. He mentioned his job might get relocated and he was on the fence about going; when I asked “what about me?”, all I got was a joke that he would pack me in his suitcase. The bottom-line is our talks were not very productive, and I didn’t want to spend another 2-3 years with someone who wasn’t including me in future plans.
I'm guessing he isn't stupid. So I doubt he misinterpreted what you were asking of him. If you flat out asked him if he sees himself getting married and he said, "no", then you need to take him at his word. Sure, he could change his mind, but his deflective responses to your serious question says, to me, that he isn't ready to even consider getting married at this point. You are right that 3 years should be enough time for someone to decide if they want to marry their SO, and clearly your ex isn't at that point in his life where he is ready for that step. The last thing you want to do is talk someone into marrying you. If you have to shake the head of the person you're with to make them see that what you have together is worth it, then it will never be worth it to them. At least not in the same way it is to you. Another thing you don't want to do is waste your time on someone who isn't ready for the same things you are ready for. It's perfectly ok for you to want to get married, and maybe you are ready for that milestone; but as much as it's ok for you to be ready for that next step, it's perfectly acceptable for him not to be. I think your gut instinct to end the relationship was the right move, and I think you are back tracking because you are worried he may be the only one out there for you. But I guarantee you that he isn't. Relationships don't have to be disastrous to warrant a break up. A break up is perfectly acceptable for any reason, and the reason here is that you two don't want the same things at the same time.