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thanks for the advice.
but no thanks for making me feel like the only woman EVER to have been in this position, and feel like what ive done is so evil and i should carry this around my neck for the rest of my life.
Not being the only PERSON in the world to do this shouldn't be a consideration. You have done this to yourself and now it's time to let it go, let him go, forgive yourself and finally realize that what you had with him was bullshit, smoke and mirrors that made it seem so great because there was absolutely NO distractions, responsibilities or anything to get in the way of your weekend ****fests. All you had was sex and good times. Nothing else got in the way. That's not real life... that's playing house and friends with benefits. So stop being a tit about it and start being a reasonable adult who can finally see that who she was in lust with (not love) was a cheating douche who took advantage of your poor sense of self esteem and then when you pushed to end the fantasy life, he bolted on you like a rabbit down it's own hole.
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i didnt come here to feel persecuted either.
Yes you did. You even subconsciously told us you did by your very words of "I expect to get negative comments."
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yes, i did wrong by falling for a man who was someone elses, but if im the only woman ever to do this, then you can point the finger of blame.
It doesn't matter what other people have done that is wrong... YOU doing it was wrong, it was not in YOUR best emotional interests more then anything and that's something you need to learn and be told about outright without the fluff because clearly you are pining for someone who you should not have even gotten involved with and if you had the personal boundaries in place, if you had good love of self then you would have told him to go away right after that weekend and you would not have kept on with him knowing very well that he was married and that you would more likely then not ended up crushed like you are now. You don't love yourself enough to even stay away from him and you keep trying to insinuate yourself into his life when he's clearly showed you in actions that he does not want you in his life the way you THINK you want/need him. His words mean nothing when his action contradict them.
i NEVER made him drive over a hundred miles a week to see me, i NEVER made him fall in love with me, and i was NEVER just a fvck.[/quote] No you didn't make him... you allowed him to and he may have been fond of you but you were no more then a ****. If you were more then that, then he would be with you now and she would be his ex wife.
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i also NEVER made him sit down and tell her. he had the choice to leave me at any time.
Yea, but he didn't have to until he actually did leave you. That is when he felt he needed to because things were getting too real and he bounced on you.
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this man WAS genuine.
This man is a cheating douche who told you what you wanted to hear and if he ever did leave his wife for you, he will do the same thing on you that he did on her eventually and every time he was out of your sight... you would be wondering where he actually was and who he was with.
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and NO, i believe 100% he had never done this before. i was never just a woman he came to for sex or comfort.
That is exactly why he was with you. Like I said, even if he loved you it means nothing because when push came to shove... he chose his LIFEMATE over his weekend **** buddy.
You may not be unintelligent buy you are living a fantasy that suits your own agenda. You are also in denial and you are making a fool out of yourself by begging for him back.
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i quieried his every word, and im not just some stupid woman who fell for a man who was a player.
sorry but read back your own Opening post as if you were not the silly woman who let a married man back into her life after finding out he wasn't single and you will see that you are exactly a naïve (if not stupid) woman who was played by a married man that bolted on you when push came to shove.
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i suppose tho, as you dont know me or seen the man he was you will have your own opinions of our 'relationship'.
You are no different then the dozens of people that come here after being emotionally screwed over by a married sex partner. You all sound the same and you all lack personal boundaries and you all suffer from past dysfunction and/or codependent upbringing. Nothing new and you all end up hurt, lonely and without the man/woman who lusted after you and you confused that lust with love and admiration of you.
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if you re-read what i wrote yesterday, he DID leave her, he told her, and his girls and his parents all about me. he had told work all about me, for months his friends knew too.i was never ever a dirty little secret. once he had finally told his W, she told him she realized the marriage was over years ago, she was just upset he had found a way out first. told him how she was going to leave him anyway at christmas and rent a flat with a daughter. his girls supported him, they knew the life he had with his W and said they didnt blame him for leaving her. his parents were overjoyed he had left her after having such a unhappy life. his W had threatned his mother a few years ago. his father was in full agrreance of him leaving. they said they wished he had done it years ago. they couldnt wait to meet the woman who had finally made their son happy
Please wake the fvck up. NONE of that matters because the bottom line is HE DID NOT LEAVE HER. The bottom line is: YOU are without him and he is an asshole that played the part but is "ill."
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if i WAS just an affair or a fvuck to this man, WHY allow me to put photos on social media sites, which man in their right mind having an 'affair' allow the woman to even take photos never mind encourage the social media photos and state ' in a relationship'.? i knew every single detail of his 'other life, knew every detail of his work, it wasnt an affair, i t was a relationship.
As long as he was still married.... You were an affair and he was stringing you along. Once again: He may have been fond of you BUT HE WAS MARRIED AND THAT SHOULD BE YOUR CLUE AND YOUR GOOD SENSE SHOULD HAVE KICKED IN to tell you to stay the hell away from him before you became emotionally involved. You should have told him to call you when he left her and THEN CARRIED ON IN YOUR SO CALLED LOVE AFFAIR. Not done it while he was still married.
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why would he give me his works number, his works phone mobile number, his email address, his home address, every personal detail. a player or an 'affair' does not do this. he told me personal details of his W, his daughters, everything. things you would share with a friend or partner, not an affair or just a woman you fvck once a week.
Are you really that desperate? Why do you keep trying to make what you had with him more then what it was? The bottom line is: Even if he loved you. He did not leave his wife for you. He is a cheater, he is ill, He is with his wife, you are not with him, you lower yourself by begging for a married man's reinvestment in you. You're not well. You need the professional help you are getting and I truly hope that you are with a therapist that is proficient in what ails you.
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as he said, lived with a woman he didnt love and loved a woman he didnt live with. a woman who ruled his life, planned what they did to a dot. a woman who had run them up into so much debt due to her love of material objects.
Well, he must have like it for after all: He knew he had a sure thing with you but he chose to stay and try and make it work with her so you do the math.
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we would sit and talk for hours how unhappy he was with her. he hated ther house they lived in.
You do know that most married people put down the spouse at home to the person they are cheating with, right? Seems it helps to justify what they are doing to both themselves and the one who they are cheating with.
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how he felt here, no pressure, no stress, and he felt free. things we could do here compared to things he did there, dreams and plans we had together to travel, to live and be happy.
All fantasy and part of the "no outside influence, responsibilities, life getting in the way. It's all grand until life gets in the way.
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so he DID tell her, and DID leaver her.
Funny, he's not with you now though, is he?
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im no way obsessed with this man?? to say i love him unconditionallly makes me obsessed?
No. Calling and emailing and begging him and coming here and lamenting about how wonderful he was (when he's a cheating arse who couldn't give up the status quo when push came to shove) and wanting him back when you know hes married and wanting to NOT end his marriage is what makes you obsessed.
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im a 39 year old woman, not a little girl infatuated by a pop star. hes also not on any pedestal.
the reason im seeing the councillor again is to help not fall back into the same pattern as last year.i reached crisis point and took me hard work to even step out of my front door.
I'm actually sorry that you let this happen to you. You are not yet well enough to be dating at all or having sex with men you just met that night because this is what has happened to you for going out too soon. You were too vulnerable and you happily let a married man come to your house for the weekend. Anyone who is well and ready to date again would not have done that.
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last year i waved my 16 year old son off to join the forces.hes my only child. i watched a woman i supported die at my place of work. i had a bad relationship with a man who treat me like a doormat. my councillor is helping with those issues, plus issues from my teens, eating disorders, low self esteem and other things that i didnt deal with properly on my first set of councilling. im not some stupid woman, who believed and hung off his every word.
I'm sorry, but yes you are because if you were not then you wouldn't have allowed him into your life after he confessed to you that he was married. This is not like he lied to you and courted you as a single man... he confessed yet you still allowed him to continue with you. That is not what strong, emotionally healthy people allow in their life.
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and in all truth, if you knew me in real life, instead of an anonymous poster on a forum, you would never believe im the woman writing this.
I'm not sure what that has got to do with anything. You are the woman writing this and everything I'm saying to you is the truth. Sorry... but it just is.
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i fell in love with this man, after months of him coming here,
See that's the thing. If you had stopped him from coming there once you knew he was married, you would not have fallen in love/lust with him and you'd not be feeling the way you do right now that you've been cut off from your addiction to him.
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he helped me take the walls down, made me feel real again, became my best friend. dont think for a second im a lonely person and have no friends, and i needed this man. i didnt. but when a man treats you with as much respect, love and friendship as he did, tells you his hopes dreams fears, talks to you about his life and how unhappy he was, the friendship part of us was stronger than any sex, intimacy or anything else 'affair like'.
Well, he sure gave it all up now didn't he.
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i didnt post on here for sympathy, or to be told ' there there, he loved you but it didnt work, nor did i post on here to look like a victim. i posted cos as this started, i needed to get it off my chest. and i was at such a low point yesterday, i stupidly poured my head and heart out to total strangers.
You should be glad you did because you're not a victim. You are the author of your own misfortune (by continuing on with him after you knew he was married) and hopefully, if you're as healed at you think you are, then you will take what you're being given here, process it, come to realize that he's not the epitome of virtue and love you're making him out to be and the its NEVER a good idea to get involved with a man that is NOT AVAILABLE to get involved with. You'll do the work you need to do to hone your personal boundaries, to love yourself, to get over your past and when you're smarter and you can actually look after your own best interests... then and only then will you attempt to be with another man. If you dont' do the work you need to do to look after yourself then you will keep getting with men and are not good to get with... just like the last two men you chose.
I don't say any of this to be a bitch. I say it because it is what you need to hear and to help you get over the asshole who took you on his ride and left you like you are just so that he had some reprieve from his own codependent hell that he has now chosen to remain in.