Girl unable to fall in love (with me or anyone else, ever!)
I met this girl, a neighbour, at another neighbours party about 5 weeks ago. I'm 40, she's 37. Both of us are single (without children) and have been for some years. We've since become really great friends.
Friendship started off with an arrangement, I cut her grass, she does my ironing, sounds fine!
After a couple of days she starts using any excuse to see me, I must be running out of ironed shirts, her washing machine is only half full, shes walking dogs am I coming along etc, etc. Then it was just routine visits by her to my house, which I actively welcomed and encouraged (I only visit her house if theres something specific needs doing and never just invite myself).
We saw each other probably 28 days out of 30 the first month, sometimes for 10 mins, other times 3 hours. 80% of contact initiated by her. We exchange on average 10-15 texts per day each (remember we're not teenagers so thats a lot!)
We get along great, non stop chatting (I'm normally quite shy, but not with her), never turn on TV or music, just chat (in the way that new "couples" do, with never a crossed word) and really enjoy each others company.
Then the problem arises:-
I've fancied her from day one, from 2-3 weeks I started developing feelings, quite strong ones (early stages of falling in love, loss apetite, stomach ache, loss of interest in other things...including other women, been there before, know what it means).
I should add that all along she has emphasised that she is not interested in relationships anymore (with anyone, ever!). However, signals produced by her (visiting me near as dammit every day and getting along so well as we do) obviously created an impression of interest so far as I was concerned.
After 2 weeks I explained I was interested, she pretty much shrugged it off "I'm flattered but your interests are misplaced" or words to that effect. I should point out that we slept together that night, but that was the only time. Afterwards we carried on with friendship as normal.
After 3 weeks (of continued, intense friendship) I tried to explain I was developing feelings but she did the same again. Flattered but didn't take me seriously.
After 4 weeks (I'm getting frustrated and upset by now, because I'm really falling for her and despite our intense friendship she won't listen) I sat her down and made sure she really listened and understood my feelings. Her revelations were as follows (some of these were actually revealed earlier but I've summarised them together):-
Raped by uncle at 18 (uncle now dead, but unfortunately not as result of reprisal)
Never fallen in love, ever, and incapable of that emotion (although capable of loving family)
Married for 1 year, major disaster, husband violent and adulterous, resulting in her moving away from area for several years.
Next relationship 3 years, didn't mean much
Last relationship 1 year (not co-habiting), again didn't mean much
Wants a child (on her own, artificial incemination)
Never wants another relationship, with anyone, ever
She has many male friends (not many of them close). Some of the straight single guys have openly expressed an interest in her but she's shrugged it off "thinking they're not serous"
She just wants friendship with me and only comes round because she enjoys my company.
I told her I needed to cool thing down for a while and sort my head out since there are clearly issues (incompatible feelings and misinterpreted signals created by the absurdly intense friendship that she has initiated).
Since then (1 week ago) she's been quite ill (not seriously) and I've been away with family so not seen her but still in contact.
Advice please? I don't think I can continue being friends for long as it will just mess my head up even more. Has anyone ever met anyone like this and if so is the condition cureable? This is surely not a normal friendship, perhaps she's just afraid of love/relationships? I absolutely adore her, more than anyone I've ever met, including a girl I was with for 6 years!
