Am I Just To Blind to Really See That Its Over?

This is my first time in a forum. So here goes....
I am 25 years old, the man in my life is 21. We have been in a "relationship" for 16 months. I use quotes because we broke up about 7 months ago and it was very difficult for us both. I even started seeing a therapist to deal with the issues I was having. Since the break up we have continued to be very big parts of each others lives. We live about 40 minutes away from each other so we don't see each other alot during the week sometimes once or twice. We talk every day all day, we spend every weekend together at his house or mine, we still sleep together (obviously) but it happens much less than when we were offically in a relationship, we plan everything together- weekend trips to the city, wine trails, sporting events, camping, float trips, grocery shopping, home improvement projects, and even very expensive over seas vacations. So I feel as though we are essentially in a serious relationship, as we were before the break up, but we have no title and no offical commitment. He isn't willing to have a real discussion about it all he says is "We are what we are" and "I want you in my life and I want to be in your life"....when I bring up my unchanged feelings for him he becomes defensive and evasive and the conversation is either over or will turn into a huge arguement in which one of us will leave and I will cry for hours and he will be angry and upset for hours.
I know that because of his age the obvious obstacle is his maturity. And I do not disagree. I will say, however, that his maturity does far exceed that of a typical 21 year old man. He is very independant, doesn't party often, very focused on school and work, very good with finances, has his own house that he keeps very clean....since we met I've never actually viewed him as someone younger than me.
He does have his flaws though....and they are serious. He has very bad social anxiety. He has very few friends and has no skill in making new friends. He liked to stick to himself a lot. He has expressed his frustration with his social anxiety and we have looked into solutions but he is not willing to go to therapy with me or on his own. He read some books I found on the issue but never put them to practice. His mother is a chronic long-term paranoid alcoholic....she is in no way aggressive or abusive, just extremely irritating and obnoxious. So he grew up with a mother that was physically and emotionally absent. His father is a successful CFO, but shows no emotion towards anyone or anything. He is not uncaring, but he does not get mad or sad or happy or excited...he just is. There is no communication within his family what so ever. His parents don't argue because they dont communicate about anything....his mother just blabbers and blabbers about the latest conspiracy the government is surely planning and his dad makes sure the bills get paid and the house is taken care of, period. He has told me how his mothers drinking bothers him and I can tell that it also bothers his dad, but neither of them will ever make the slightest mention of it to her. So he has had no examples of a healthy relationship with emotion, affection, COMMUNICATION. I know he can display emotion and affection. Ive seen him cry before and get angry and be happy and show me love for months and months. He used to always hold my hand, he used to kiss me in public, he used to call me every night and tell me good night before bed and he used to tell me he loved me everyday. Since the breakup all of those things have changed and everything else has stayed the same. For some reason in the last couple months he wants to bring his parents to everything we do....to the lake, to the amusement park, to the city for a weekend trip (and share a hotel room with them). He even made the suggestion that we invite them on a week long trip to Mexico that we have planned. I like his parents just fine, and I am okay with doing some things with them....I am not comfortable sharing a hotel room with them and I absolutely turned down the idea of taking them to Mexico with us. I don't know why he is wanting to include them in everything or where it came from but its becoming a nuissance now.
When I get to the point of thinking to myself that he just doesn't love me anymore and that I'm going to have to learn to live my life that way then something completely insane happens.....he sent me a huge basket of flowers to work last week (100% out of character for him due to the cost and short life span of flowers) and tells me that as long as they made me smile then they were worth it. Its a big gesture coming from him....only I don't know how to perceive it if he doesn't want to be in a committed relationship with me any longer....but "wants me in his life". I have only gotten flowers from him three times since I've known him....two of those times happened since we broke up....both were "just to make my day better".
My therapist thinks that he may have a slight case of borderline personality disorder (which is nothing like multiple personality disorder) brought on by being the child of an alcoholic. My therapist also says that it seems like he is scared and very uncomfortable with the idea of letting himself have serious feelings because of how bad the break up went. I can see his point some extent but I also wonder sometimes if its just psycho bable and over analyzing...?
He (my guy) says that we fight too much, and we do. But we always fight about the same things because he doesnt know how to communicate so that we reach a resolution. I love him very much. And I want to believe that he loves me. But can I really let myself believe that he does if he USED to want a committed and titled relationship with me but no longer does. And why doesn't he want one now if he still wants most of the aspects of a relationship (not referring to the sex), but he doesnt want to hold my hand or kiss me, etc. I am confused, even knowing that many of his issues and upbringing contribute to all of this, I still can't make heads or tails of it. And I don't know what to do. I want to be in a relationship and I want to feel and be shown that I am loved by the person that I love. But at the same time I know that I can't awlays have everything I want.....so what now?
Advice? Comments? Opinions? Help me clear this up.