Should I not have?

I've been seeing my boyfriend for almost 3 months. We're really comfortable, and pretty open with each other. It feels like we've known each other for years.

Anyway, I have a difficult time reaching orgasm during sex, and I have never had an orgasm from oral. So, I haven't gotten off while doing anything sexual with my current boyfriend, and I decided to ask him if he'd object to using some sex toys. I was really hesitant to do this because I figured it may hurt his ego, and I was right. He said he was open to the idea, and tried to pretend it didn't bother him. After me digging about why he was acting so pissed off for an hour, he finally admitted it made him mad that I wanted to do this. It hurt his pride that I needed more than his dick.

He says now that he is over it, and is down to try them out, and we already went and bought some. He made such a huge deal about it, that now I feel hesitant to even use them. He feels weird about it, although he's down, so now I feel weird and am worried I should have given it more time before I suggested toys.

Was this too soon to bust out the toys? I was just being honest and felt I could be open about it, but I feel bad for hurting his ego. It's not him, it's me that is the cause of not being able to get off.

Well, have you exhausted other possibilities; changing positions, communicating to him what feels good? Three months seems too soon to involve toys, imo.

Maybe you have just desensitized yourself to human touch by using those toys too much?

ALC, how did you explain it to him? Did you say that it was your issue and not his? I think that maybe you did rush for the dildo, a little early, but if you really tried to communicate your dissatisfaction to him, and worked together to solve the problem, then you've nothing to be ashamed about.

I'm not sure if I'm desensitized to human touch, I don't think so. Before I ever started using a vibrator, guys couldn't get me off. I don't use it now that I've been seeing my boyfriend.

I explained to him that he wasn't doing anything wrong, and that the issue lies with me. I told him that it is and always has been super hard for me to get off. Maybe the issue lies in my head?

He went with me and picked some things out himself, but I still feel like he's not okay with it despite what he says. I guess we haven't really worked at solving this on our own, aside from switching positions, but I'm afraid for him to try even harder and it still not go anywhere.

:upset: Did I cause damage to our relationship? I'm feeling like bringing this up was a mistake, so what do I do now?

All you can do after saying that, is be honest and explain that it's not him (since it isn't), which you have done. He's putting the effort out, picked some things out and is willing to try it. Maybe you guys will find a combination of things that will help you, and he'll have fun as well! Just give it a little time :) If you keep questioning his being ok with it or not, you might cause a problem for him. Give him some time, try some things, communicate, and trust that he is ok with it if he says he is :)

What you should have done was suggest a trip to the sex store to find some "couples porn" and then "accidentally" stumble into the toys. You could then have suggested that he pick out a toy for himself and then maybe he would've taken the hint and suggested one for you.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by chico247 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

What you should have done was suggest a trip to the sex store to find some "couples porn" and then "accidentally" stumble into the toys. You could then have suggested that he pick out a toy for himself and then maybe he would've taken the hint and suggested one for you.

---

Yeah because advice afterwards is always easy to give.

Just tell him it's not his fault and try to not mention the toys any time soon.

Tell him is not about him. Its about you. You need it!!! tell him to stop being stingy. Its not like your cheating on him

If you turn around now and refuse to even use the toys after he was game enough to go along with it even though it hurt his feelings you'll have wasted the whole thing. You can't take back the fact that you said something. if you don't use them, he'll just think you wait until he leaves the house because he's a big turn-off for you. Don't let that happen.

Tell him you can't wait to use them together. Try to make this as positive an experience for him as possible. Try, try, try to make it fun for him too.

Perhaps you can't cum because you're trying to hard.

I know such is the case for me. When I really want it, and try decently hard to get there I have a mental block that prevents it from happening. Relax.

Do you know how to get yourself off? Manually? If you do, try to show him, teach him and have fun.

Or the next time during forelay when either of you are pleasing you manually just casually say "oh, try this" make sure you wink, smile, make it playful!

And don't keep asking him if he's alright that's even more of an ego bruise. If you must say it once and only once: tell him that it's okay if he doesn't like something or doesn't want to try but in those cases he'll have to speak up. Tell him that his comfort and participation in sex with or without toys is important to you.

What kind of sex toys did you buy? Dildo's or other things that don't resemble a penis.