..anybody feel like helping a damsel in SLIGHT distress? :)
Hey guys, I'm pretty new to this forum, so go easy on me!
I've become involved with a guy at my university recently, and we've been getting to know each other really well. Lately we've been spending a lot of time together - usually we'll see each other in the evenings and end up having really long conversations that can go on for hours. When we're around other people, it's lots of flirty banter and teasing.
Over the last couple of weeks, this has stepped up a gear. Last week, we saw each other every evening/night bar one, usually just watching a movie or something in his dorm room and then staying up chatting for ages. I realized that we have more in common than I originally thought, and he's so easy to talk to, which I find very appealing. He seemed to really want to see me - 5 out of 6 times, it was he who invited me to see him.
A couple of days ago, I went up to see him after dinner and we watched a movie in the early evening. Within half an hour of the film beginning, there was some DEFINITE flirty tickling going on (initiated by him), and then later on he kept putting his arm around me or holding my hand when it got to the sad bits (I know it annoys you, but women genuinely do cry at movies.) By the end of the film, we were cuddled up really close, holding hands. It was a really intimate night.
(** it's probably important to mention here that we're both Christian, and we both are against the idea of sex before marriage, and have discussed this openly. Therefore, neither of us have those sorts of expectations. So the issue of this guy being 'only after one thing' doesn't really apply here. Don't get me wrong, I know guys still have urges no matter what they believe, but he is strongly against the idea of sex before marriage.)
It was from this stage onwards where I found it difficult to believe that he wasn't interested in me. He wasn't messing around in a boyish, sexually charged way, but he was really gentle and sweet.
HOWEVER.
The thing is, I'm not saying I'm the most confident woman in the world, but I AM saying that I believe this: that every woman has the right to have a man's full an undivided attention. Every woman has the right to be a man's first priority, and not his second best, or an afterthought. This is where the problem arises.
I have known ever since we started becoming closer that he was interested in another woman, although to what extent I have never been sure, because I don't think he is even sure. I know that he is very physically attracted to her, although he has mentioned in the past that he doesn't think that they have any real chemistry, and that although she is a lovely person, he doesn't know if he is attracted to her as a whole, or just her looks. I have witnessed first hand that she is the sort of girl who is very attractive, but knows how to use it to her advantage. She is very flirty and outgoing and bubbly, and this has resulted in quite a few guys showing interest in her. Despite this, I have my doubts as to whether she genuinely is attracted to most of these guys, or whether she just likes the attention. And I'm not just being biased!!
Anyway, having known that he liked this girl, it was never my intention to get involved. Having gotten involved, I am kind of hoping that either these feelings will go away, or that they will become surpassed by his feelings for me. We used to talk about his feelings for her in depth at the start of our friendship, although now he doesn't seem to want to talk about her as much. I'm unsure as to whether this is because he has developed feelings for me or not.
The issue reached its peak point of confusion last week. A group of us went on a road trip for the day, including the three of us. I noticed that although there were a couple of brief, flirty exchanges between them, that he spent most of the day paying more attention to me - he would make an effort to walk alongside me, he would catch my eye across the group, he even flirted quite blatantly with me when we were all eating lunch together - he sat very close to me, kept teasing me and joking around with me, and maintained a lot of direct eye contact. He seemed to barely acknowledge this other girl on the other side of the table. Naturally, at the end of the day, I began to assume that his feelings may have changed.
It was after we arrived back, and it was just the two of us in the car, that the girl's name arose, and I took the opportunity to ask him how he felt about her.. expecting the idealistic response of "I'm not really interested any more". However, this wasn't what I was told! He explained that he still didn't know how he felt, that he was confused and a "mixed bag of emotions", and that he thought he did still like her although he wasn't sure if he liked her enough to pursue her, or if his feelings extended beyond physical attraction. Surely if he had serious feelings for me, he would have tried to put my mind at ease by dismissing his feelings for her?
There are also a few giveaway signs that he does like her more than I'm hoping. Last week, before the 'film' incident, I remember him getting pretty annoyed when one of his close friends confessed his feelings for the same girl. He didn't like that at all, and he even expressed his annoyance to me, as if his friend was intruding or something. Also, he does tend to show signs of wanting to talk to her, even if these have gotten less obvious lately. Sometimes in social situations, he'll move slowly around the room until he's in her vicinity, or at other times he'll send her text messages and then keep checking his phone subtly for a reply every few minutes.
So, this is the conclusion of my lengthy essay.. sorry it's incredibly long. And complicated.
But I need to see this from a guy's perspective! If this were you, what would be running through your head? Would your feelings for me be genuine, or is this guy more interested in the other girl? This is a respectful and decent guy, who is proving to be just a bit tricky to understand. Any help?
Much appreciated!
:D
