Is it Appropriate!!!???

Hi Ladies,
I always like to get a female perspective on any relationship issues.

I split up with my ex girlfriend over 6 months ago and had been moving on with my life and doing good in all aspects, importantly I was meeting other women and enjoying life without the pressure of commitment.
Just last week I was contacted by her and she tells me she has missed me very much. Of course I still have a soft spot for her. The problem is she is the kind of woman that is consistently dishonest.

I know that the main reason women lie to their partners is to protect their feelings, this girl has just gone too far now, although we get along very well there are major issues from the past. Also she has had inappropriate situations in her job, and has been both harassed and assaulted by men at work. She is attractive, but I cant help thinking that the problem is she does not have enough self respect, this is why she allows men to cross the line into harassing her. Annoyingly, she remains friends with most of the men who have acted inappropriately to her, therefore communicating that it is ok to treat her disrespectfully. Obviously this drove me nuts in the past and was a factor which lead to me ending things.

On top of all the work drama, there are two male friends of hers, both of them are people she has had feelings for in the past (only one she admits to), and actually in both cases she was "friendzoned", but due to her low self-worth she has remained in contact! I found out before I split from her that she had met both of these men behind my back, I was told they were only lunch dates and made to feel like I was wrong to care. However to me it seemed extremely inappropriate that she would meet both of those men, and deceive me about it also.

I know its the 21st century, but I want your opinion ladies: Is that appropriate behaviour????

Thanks,

Italogent

It's not appropriate for her to lie to you. In light of her consistent pattern of dishonesty, the fact that you don't find her trustworthy & that you don't care for her lack of self respect, it's wholly appropriate for you to have broken up with her & to not want to reconcile.

Since no laws are being broken, I'm unwilling to call her behavior inappropriate (other than the lying to you about it). If she wants to debase herself by chasing men that clearly don't want her & don't respect her, she can do so. I find it sad.

What is not appropriate is idea that you think she or any woman ALLOWS men to harass them. By it's very definition harassment is UNWELCOME conduct. While she might not see the attention of these men as unwelcome & thus allows it, you need to an education about gender rolls. Yes, if I wear a short skirt & high heels I need to expect that I will garner more male attention some of which may be unwanted or crass then I'd get if I wore baggy jeans & a sweatshirt but my choice of attire does not mean I am giving anybody permission to harass me.

Some women, same as men thrive on getting attention off the opposite sex, even if they are in a relationship ( a good one or a bad one, doesn't seem to make much difference) and to me these are not people you want to be in a relationship with because they feel cheating is their right because they want that extra attention and do as they please. If you still don't trust her behavior do not get involved with her again would be my advice. Because you get the same result as previously.

Hi DalM0m,
Thanks so much for taking the time to give me your opinion.
It is sad that she felt the need to lie about her interactions, I think its just a pattern that she has fallen into in relationships, as people often do.

Spending time apart from her and dating other women I have been reminded that there are some beautiful women out there who have integrity and class.
I guess with her getting back in touch recently- all of the bad stuff has been stirred back up from the past....

I think I should clarify what I meant by "she allows men to cross the line into harassing her"
She is a very flirtacious lady, it is just her nature and thats ok. What I mean is that she rewards the inappropriate attention she receives from these men, by remaining friends with them and allowing them to orbit around her! She doesn't call it harassment, she thinks its normal- but then complains to me about it when it suits her. With her being a liar I presume there is a lot she doesn't mention... She enjoys the attention, and sometimes its insecurity that makes people need the attention (as lovebroken has mentioned below).

Back when I was her boyfriend, I instinctively wanted to protect her from these creeps, some of who are married!! but she protects them! Tells me its her career and she cant mess it up...

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Hi lovebroken,
Thanks for your reply,

I think you are so right about this particular lady. She does really thrive on the attention she is receiving, probably a deep insecurity... She doesn't seem to think its a big deal to be hiding her interactions with other men from me.
Yes its obvious that her behaviour is the same lovebroken, a leopard never changes her spots!
There is no chance of me ever being in a relationship with her again, but I really care for her as a friend...

I suppose its just therapeutic for me to talk to women on this topic, because male friends just say the typical answers you can imagine them saying!! :)

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Hi lovebroken,
Thanks for your reply,

I think you are so right about this particular lady. She does really thrive on the attention she is receiving, probably a deep insecurity... She doesn't seem to think its a big deal to be hiding her interactions with other men from me.
Yes its obvious that her behaviour is the same lovebroken, a leopard never changes her spots!
There is no chance of me ever being in a relationship with her again, but I really care for her as a friend...

I suppose its just therapeutic for me to talk to women on this topic, because male friends just say the typical answers you can imagine them saying!! :)

She is lying to you about everything. If she is THAT attractive that she is beating her male coworkers off herself with a stick all the time, then why would she be so "friend zoned" by these two friends of hers? Does that make any sense? NO! Tell her to have a nice day then Block/delete her.

She's your ex. It doesn't matter anymore if it was inappropriate to anyone. If you feel it was, then it was.

I wouldn't be taking the calls of a manipulative liar... no matter how cute she may be.

And since she lies so naturally, I tend to doubt her stories about inappropriate behavior out of these guys. No behavior happens in a vacuum. I'm quite sure that she's encouraged the attention, but since she was dating you, she was trying to make it seem she had no hand in it because she was trying to keep you from breaking up with her. Who in their right mind stays friends with someone who crosses the line with them?