Telling the difference between depression and just sadness?
Hi all, I'm just looking for some advice.
I have been feeling extremely low and I'm not sure whether to ask for help, or if these are normal feelings that I am working through.
Beginning of last year i was going through court over an abusive relationship that had lingered for 4 years. Finally it came to end, I began to heal and move on and discover a new life free of past emotional and physical abuse. In march I met a man and we began dating. Ever since then my life was improving, I felt love like I never had before, we moved in. Started a life together and I felt on top of the world! Early October I discovered I was pregnant. We were so happy and excited and life couldn't get any better.
End of November we found out baby had died, and ever since I have been going downhill.
I have been angry at life, angry at myself, just a hormonal angry mess. I have been picking fights with everyone around me. My boyfriend, I have tried to leave multiple times for no reason at all. He forgives me and ignores the breakdowns but then I feel like I don't deserve the forgiveness.
After my miscarriage I got an infection. It lasted for a month and finally had surgery 2 days ago to remove the baby and placenta and now I'm empty.
I don't know how to get back on track. I don't know how to accept my baby is gone, i feel like nothing is left to do.. I can't explain my feelings because people don't understand.
I'm not sure what to do now.. Can anyone please give me some advice? I need something to look forward to, to re start, to occupy my mind away from grief. I don't know if I'm depressed or if I'm just mourning the loss of my baby..
Thanks for those who listen. It is deeply appreciated.
Telling the difference between depression and just sadness?
Thankyou both for taking the time to reply.
I joined a miscarriage forum to maybe search for answers and be able to help and relate to other women who are going through the same. I feel like it helped for the recovery physically. But not emotionally.
I keep trying to find things to look forward to and to work towards so I don't find myself lost in despair. But it's not working. I wanted to be organized. So I completely cleaned and cleared my house. Now it's not enough, I need something else but I don't know what..
I always believe that everything happens for a reason, that if you feel pain to embrace it and find reason to move on and improve.
But this time I have nothing. Nothing to find reason for, nothing to improve, everything feels like it's for no reason now. Nothing really makes sense to me anymore..
I feel like I want to be alone.. I want my boyfriend to just leave.. He doesn't understand why I'm so upset but I am LOST. I don't know where to turn and I am just lost...
I'm such a logical thinker... And I can't figure any of this out.
My doctor wants me to go see her this week. She asked if I was depressed the day before my surgery to remove the baby and I said yes. But I didn't know if it was depression then.. But I am sure of it now.
I don't want to deal with anything now.. I feel like I'm losing my mind :(
Every day it starts off good, with good intensions. It just gets worse and worse.. At the end of the day.. I just think what was the f***ing point in that.
Ugh. I feel like I want to talk to someone but I can't get it out unless I am typing or writing. What is happening to me :(
Telling the difference between depression and just sadness?
Thankyou pcmaster :)
I am going to really try and stay positive from here on out. I had an argument with my boyfriend not long after my last post and even talking about it with him really felt like a release.
I should feel lucky for what I have, and not think too much into what I have lost. I think I'm so scared that I will never have another child that kills me inside... But I'm going to wait to find that out.
I go back to work tomorrow after a long month off work. So routine and other worries should hopefully keep my mind busy and not let baby thoughts run my mind into sorrow.
I really do love those songs :) thankyou so much for listening.