I'd love the cold hard truth now (Why can't we be "friends")
I started a thread titled "Just some advice". I'll recap it real quickly:
I was with my girlfriend for 4 years. We broke up. 4 years went by. I continued to love her every day of those 4 years. We lost contact. She moved far away. She got in touch with me. We reconnected. We began reconnecting emotionally. She said things that could only be taken as she was considering getting back together. I let my guard down, and let her know how I felt/feel. She came home to see family/made time to see me. I've been considering moving, and was going to pitch moving to her area.
So we hung out on Friday, and it was amazing. It was as if no time had passed. Her words: "it's as if all the time apart just melted away". We didn't do anything special, just sat in my car and talked for hours. Physical contact was kept "PG" by both of us. Most importantly, we talked about the problems we had as a couple, the changes we've made, and hopes for our future. The night ended, and I felt as though a "peck" would be acceptable, she obliged, and I didn't get greedy. She had a wedding to go to on Saturday. So, we made plans to hang out on Sunday night, before she left Monday morning.
Saturday was nice. Even though she was at a wedding, she was texting all day, and it was all very sweet about Friday night. Clearly the atmosphere of a wedding had jostled a few more memories loose.
Today (Sunday) came, and needless to say I was feeling excited just to be around her again. I couldn't wait until the evening. Unfortunately her texts began feeling more and more indifferent as the day went on. Eventually, my excitement was trumped by the indifference and I simply asked (more of a confirmation) "So, tonight's a no?". She replied "Honestly, I'm pretty tired." Certainly understandable, (and this may be where I'm taking everything the wrong way). She asked if I was upset, and I replied "I don't really have a right to be, but it does suck considering that you're leaving in the morning". We proceeded to text for hours (so we may as well have just gotten together), and she began to ask about how I felt about her. Very specific feelings: Like if I regretted not proposing (to which I replied "yes" and elaborated to say how I couldn't picture myself with anyone else), and if I still loved her (which I told her several times friday, but again replied "yes" and again elaborated.) Several more questions of this variety came and went (and I continued to answer honestly) until eventually the tone turned more hypothetical. "What if I'm not ready for a relationship, and can only promise friendship?"
Really, this question is a death-trap to me, and she knows it. We've had many "on and off" periods with this condition, and I've always respected it. She usually breaks her own physical boundaries, and that had a lot to do with my part of the breakup: not being able to handle her preoccupation with friendship while continuing to be physical (cuddling, hand-holding) or say things that friends don't normally say to friends, and touch things that friends don't normally touch. I recognize the importance of friendship in any relationship, but right or wrong it's always seemed like a way for her to "keep me around" while temporarily demoting me. If there was a reason we had a 2 year "no contact" period (in which I had become convinced she had forgotten I existed until she re-established contact), this was it. I've been honest in the past, but right now I'm trying to be on my best behavior. I simply replied, "I've always been your friend, and it's always gotten complicated". So: not really saying no, and not really pointing fingers. She took it as "we can't be friends" and told me how disappointing it was to hear that from me.
When it becomes too late for us to get together and say all I needed to say, (admittedly) I freak out a bit. I told her how I felt, and said my goodbyes for the last time. Her reply was something to the extent of "why didn't you say all this the other night (I did, for the most part), "I was dreaming you would say these things while I was sitting with you" and "Relax, I'm just too tired to say what I'm really thinking".
She's gone in a few hours, and I haven't the slightest clue where she stands. I was going to suggest flying out her way for a little while tonight, a little late for that now: now I'm not even 50/50 on whether or not I should even bother asking (and hope she once again picks up the intensity), or if I should just break off contact (again). Any advice would be appreciated, and sorry if I rambled: it's been a long month, long week, long day.
I must say that I disagree..
You obviously still love her, and 'moving on' didn't happen in the last four years, so it won't be that simple right now..
She wants you, but comfused herself.
So why don't you try solve it together? You do have the option of being together, so why don't try?
It doesn't seem like you have something to loose, as you are already 'being with her' mentally.
And, if not that, I know me and my ex broke-up when I moved because it's not possible.
It was very reasonable back than, but it didn't stop me from falling apart now.
I think that for me if we kept in touch and not moving fast to the 'no contact' rule the break-up was less
traumatic, as it is clear that something that aren't "meant to be", or at least something that there is no desire
to make it happen will just fade out anyway.
So why don't try?
