Need some advice/counseling.
Hello, I'm new here and I'm aware I should have posted in the in Introductions sections first, but I'm a bit desperate right now.
I have this classmate and I've studying with her for quite a while, but she didn't even catch my attention at all until over a year ago, after we spent some time chatting during summer, and she seemed quite receptive despite being in a relationship already.
Anyway, to cut a reaaaaally long story short, she knows what I feel for her and back then she said she doesn't like me that way, yet most of the stuff we have done together meanwhile says otherwise, including going out by ourselves for dinner. That same day she said when we were about to leave "don't fall in love with me or anything like it" but with a expression on her face and tone that you would use when you want exactly the opposite of what you are saying to happen.
She randomly touches me, and has been the one to start conversations from time to time, although we just don't text each other as much anymore, we tend chat a lot on the internet at night after classes(until recently when I have tried to avoid her because of recent happenings I'll explain later).
Most of the times we have been on our own, outside college, I've noticed sometimes our faces were really close, more that it would be normal for just friends, plus a lot of flirting whenever we were at parties and such.
We would have conversations where I said I would say "well, I guess I'll find someone else" after she said something along the lines of not wanting anything more than a friendship with me, and she would reply "no, don't do that" or "pretend" she is bothered whenever I looked at another girl when we were together(as in "hey, my legs are better than hers, so why are you looking at hers?" with a smile on her face).
A few weeks after that day we had dinner together, she was over at my house with another classmate. We had a few drinks and stuff happened, though I don't take much of it into account because if just could have been a crazy night where they let go of any shame, and me being the only guy there, I might have been used.
Thing is, a while after we were done while the other classmate was in the bathroom, she said "I don't like you that way, I actually like this other guy lot even though he is really far away. And I know he doesn't suit me at all but I'm stubborn and until shit happens, I won't learn. Even if I know there are better guys out there for me, like you".
At this point the uncertainty has been so much that has left me pretty much drained of all my will to do anything at all in every aspect of my life.
I'm so messed up right now, that I simply don't know what to do. One part of me wants to quit and tell her to f*** off but then another part of me says to stick around and wait a little longer...
To make things even more complicated, there is something in her eyes whenever she looks at me, something that wasn't there before but somehow I feel its good. But I've never been good at "reading" eyes, so to speak, and my current mental state simply disregards anything as mere "wishful thinking".
So, I would apreciate if there would be any way to tell what she feels for me, if she feels anything at all or at least help me clear up this whole mess...
