same old routine..different this time?
im just about to turn 21 years old, i dated a girl for about a year and a half when i was 16, i know thats young and i realize its 5 years ago but hear me out, ive been with many girls and been in many relationships since this girl, but to this day she is the only one i have ever loved, or put any effort into at all, i have been the type of boyfriend that just goes out and does whatever, i will admit i have cheated but i stopped cheating a long time ago i have not cheated in 3 years or so which doesnt seem long but it is considering i used to cheat every weekend, i hurt this girl, i slept with her best friend after we broke up i realize how douche of a move it was but i was 17 i was thinking with my hormones and not my brain, im still madly in love with this girl i would do anything to get her back, we have kept in touch over the years off and on talking for a couple weeks then not talking for 6 months or so, we just started talking again a couple days ago but this time it seems different we seem to be getting along much better and it just feels different, i am starting to feel as if were picking up where we left off 5 years ago, her parents and friends hate me of course because of what i have done to her, i am now about to be a police officer and her parents still think i am out doing drugs and committing crimes like i did when i was younger, what am i supposed to do here, her friend told me last summer that they talked about me once and she started crying because we had so much chemistry and we let it all go, that has to count for something right? that means she still has SOME feelings for me right? i dont know cuz its been so off and on for us, when we are together we flirt like you couldnt believe we finished off an entire bottle of champagne to ourselves like it was straight out of a movie i was pouring it for her and all that it seemed perfect but then we will just get into a fight and she will tell me she hates me and we wont talk for 6 months until we run into each other around town, then we talk for a while maybe hang out once or twice and then the whole thing starts over again, but this time feels different, what should i do? should i trust my heart and go for it or trust my brain and just chalk it up as the biggest loss in my life and try to move on? i broke up an engagement because of her, she doesnt know that but shes the reason why i got out of my engagement, we act like we dont love each other like we just talk as friends and argue a lot but i am in love with her....any thoughts?
