It was completely wrong for so many reasons, but the heart wants what the heart wants
Hi all,
I can't promise to keep this short as I think there is important info in the story, so bear with me and appreciate any and all comments. I think this post is equally applicable to this forum or even the marriage one.
I am 48 married for 20 years with 2 wonderful boys (in their late teens). For the past 10 years, my relationship with my wife has been pretty much just two people existing together. There has been no intimacy for over 8 years and we just do not give each other attention. I am not so egotistical to blame this on my wife and nor am I self deprecating to completely blame me. We both share blame here and it is what it is.
There is this girl (15 years my junior) that works at my company and last year transferred into my department working for me directly. She is also married and has 2 small kids. I was completely drawn to her as she has beautiful eyes and her smile just brightens up the room.
We started some harmless flirting, but over the course of a couple of months, we couldn't get enough of talking, txting and seeing each other. Every night we would txt each other and talk anything. During the day, we would figure ways to make sure we were working together (she was in a different building than I). I gave her complete attention and she returned it. I hadn't been so happy in a long time. And she too expressed that just seeing me made her smile. I thought about her much of the time.
The relationship progressed to simple touching, hugs in the elevator, neck rubs and just general closeness. When she touched me, it was like electricity. It was quite obvious that she was lacking attention at home, just like I was and we were satisfying that basic need that all humans have. Mind you, we had never had sex or even kissed. She had made it clear that she was not sure if she wanted to take the relationship to that level yet. She did have guilt about our relationship and I respected that. I made it clear to her that I did not want to be the cause of so much guilt that she would not be able to look at me, work with me or worse, cause more serious problems at home. She thanked me and assured me that she would deal with the little guilt she had and couldn't imagine not work with me or seeing me.
Earlier this year we had to chance to take a business trip together for 2 nights. We were very excited to be together for this much time and booked connecting rooms. On the drive up, again I made it clear to her that I was not going to ask her to do anything that she was not ready for. The first and second night we slept in the same bed, but nothing happened. Just holding each other and back rubs. In the morning of the 3rd day, I woke up first and started rubbing her neck and shoulders and back. She started to mew and told me it was ok to go under her shirt so I did. Rubbing her bare back and my hand moved down and started rubbing her butt (outside of her sweats). She was definitely getting turned on as she was moaning a bit, and her legs were rubbing back and forth and arching her neck.
Most guys would have went for it, but I couldn't. All I could think about was what would the aftermath be. Did I get her at a vulnerable moment and how much would she regret her action later. I thought about what if she felt so guilty that she couldn't come to work any more, couldn't look at me and worse, that she would have to tell her husband and ruin her marriage. All of this went through my mind and made me stop what I was doing and say, "let's get ready for work". Later on that day we talked about it and I told her exactly why I did what I did, but warned her that if there was a next time, not sure I could hold back. lol. Worse part, she told me she wasn't wearing any underwear under her sweats so seemed like she had planned for the morning.
Things continued on at work as before. Our relationship continued on as before. Then about 2 months later, at lunch she let me know that she wanted to cool things down. She was feeling guilty especially that she was thinking of me when she was with her husband. I understood (didn't have to like it) and that her husband is a very luck man and I can see that she truly does love him.
So we calmed things down at work, but continued to communicate. Then she started pulling away from that as well. What used to be txting every night and weekends started to slow down. Sometimes txts would go unanswered and unread (for those that have blackberries, you'll understand about knowing if a bbm is read or not). I said nothing at work. There was a weekend where she sent me a txt and I decided to just let it go. Call it a childish payback (you should know that when it comes to txting and emails I had always responded immediately, I wanted to show that I cared enough to respond quickly). That Monday, she asked me if I was mad at her because I did not respond. I told her no.
So fast forward to now. There are very few txts that occur after work, but I find myself hoping to receive one and the very few I send, I am never sure will get read, much less replied to.
If you haven't figured it out by now, I care very deeply for her. At one time she also expressed the same sentiment, though the word love never has come into the conversation. I see her at least twice a week, but have to talk or IM with her daily as she does work for me. She till says that she enjoys seeing me and working with me, but I am just hurt.
(ALMOST DONE) -
So I know all the issues here. I'm Married, she's married, we work together and she works for me. I get that she is probably confused and I offered her the attention that she was missing at home, but she readily returned it. I understand completely that she wants to pull away, focus on her family, but it does not make the pain any less.
Seeing her and working with her is just more of a reminder of our great time together. She still smiles at me and lightens my day and when I leave work, my heart aches. I have thought about looking for a new job.
So to you all, what are your thoughts on all this?
Do you think on the business trip that I should have taken advantage of the situation (as it seems she planned for it)?
She will still occasionally txt me at night or on the weekend, should I respond, or should I tell her to just stop all txting?
Willing to hear all opinions both negative and positive.
Many of you will think I am a pig in the first place for even thinking of cheating. I completely understand so feel free to unload.
For those that read through all this, thanks for being patience.
Mike
