Expectations??

So what expectations are reasonable? I know that many can/WILL only leave you disappointed but which are not? When we have a spouse it's understood they will remember (usually) birthdays and anniversaries. What about other moments?

I know if I expected my spouse to buy me flowers every 6 months then we may be in a tiff "twice" a year. How about if today is the one year anniversary of my mothers death or yesterday was my 1 year sober? What if tomorrow is the day we got engaged or we got the call we were approved to adopt? I mean we remember 9/11, not cause we have to but because it marks a tragic day.

When am I setting myself up for fail or to be angry? Is it fair to have these expectations?

I think you are over thinking when it comes to these subjects. One year sober? That is something you should recognise as it's a personal achievement, you shouldn't be seeking acknowledgment from others because of it.