Why am I mad, hurt, jealous after my wife tells me she has more experiance then befor
Ok this is going to be kind of long and forgive my spelling and punctuation English not my strongest subject.
I’m a 26 year old male for starters. So my wife and I have been married for a little over 3 years now and everything is/was going great. Technically it still is and I’m doing a good job of hiding it from her until I know what I’m going do about it.
But anyways one day on a car ride back home from a trip she randomly tells me we need to talk. And tells me she feels guilty because we had a talk back when we first started dating about past relationships and experiences. Now neither one of us was a virgin when we started dating but I had only been with 1 other person and her around 5. And here is the thing, I was completely fine with her being with other people besides me. I knew that it would be next to impossible to find someone exactly like me in that regard. And some of the people she had been with were friends of mine. One of them my best friend at the time. But it did not bother me, I was able to get over it and I was happy that she told me everything.
But again on this ride back home she tells me she was with another 6-9 people, she never really gave me a real number. Now what I mean by this, there was no real sex but she said it was oral and anything you could do without it being considered sex. THIS BOTHERED ME WAY WAY MORE THEN HER ACTUALLY BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP AND HAVING SEX. I don’t know why and it is killing me. She says she regrets everything and that I’m the only one for her and all that and I thought I would get over it and accept it, but I’m just getting more upset. And apparently she has been holding this in since we first started dating and never told me when I feel she should have told me. I think that would have made a huge difference in how I’m feeling right now I was able to get over her having sex with other people but I can’t get over this? It doesn’t make since to me either. I know a lot of people will tell me to “leave the past in the past” and “not to worry about it if you love her”. And the thing is I did and trusted her to tell me everything. She knows every detail about my past experiences and relationships and I knew about half, which upsets me so so much. Another problem is, is that she told a male friend of hers about everything she regrets doing but she couldn’t tell the person she was going to marry about it? Again a new wave a feelings and emotions just keep turning round in me and the thing is, I’m really good at not getting emotional or upset about things and keeping a level head when she gets mad or upset and I’m the one that makes these situations better.
I know I’m thinking about this way too much and I know I need to try and drop it. But I feel like I need to go out and make mistakes to even up the score! I never went wild and kept a level head, and now when I find this out I want to go sleep around and not give a crap. Have a threesome and do all kinds of crazy things that I will regret because I stayed grounded and I feel betrayed that she couldn’t trust me until we were married and I’m stuck knowing that I can’t go crazy now and do what she did. It feels like I was played for a fool because I’m a good guy and I know that, she was the first and only girl I said I love you too and she knows that. She saw that and jumped on it and kept things from me until I was trapped. I know I’m one of a kind and that she will never find a person who is as hard to anger as me and understands her like I do. And it sucks knowing that she wants to keep me to herself knowing what she did and not telling me about it until after we were married. I’m not saying I would have done any of the things mentioned above but I don’t know. I did not have all the information at the time.
I know I know how bad I sound about saying that but that’s what I’m feeling and going through. You can judge me all you like and I do want honest feedback. But before you get to the name calling and harassing me just remember you are not me and don’t know who I really am or what I’ve been through in life.
I’m really bad with girls but they hit on me all the time (My wife tells me because I flit somewhat without knowing and she watches me like a hawk). I know if I wasn’t with my wife I could get with more girls and that only just now came over me with such a fire. I have not slept around and was fine with it until she told me about the extra things she has done. But don’t get me wrong I’m still glad she told me. If she didn’t and I found out a different way I would not be on here trying to find out how to make this work. For me it would have been over. I’m big on trust and honesty and this is where it gets complicated for me. But I feel like she lied and used me and I know I’m being insecure about this and again I need to get over it. But I just need to advice and to know how much I’m over reacting to the whole situation and how I go about making this better for me and her. I do plan on talking with her soon but I just need some advice.
I no longer get along as well with my family before we were married because I wanted to be with her. Long story short my family did not want me to get married but I did anyways. And me and my family fought and fought. My mother passed away before I could truly make things right with her and now my dad no longer treats me the same way as he did before I was married.
This is something that plays a big role in why I’m so hurt and why I want to get with other girls and go crazy I think. I gave up a lot to be with her and I feel that it was the wrong thing to do now. I put a lot of trust in her and thought I knew who she was, now I feel like I have to start all over again and now I feel that it’s just too much and I don’t want too. Again these are my feelings and I’m trying to work them out in a way that makes me feel better and lets me get over this whole issue without doing anything crazy, or anything that would hurt my wife.
Thanks for reading and for your feedback it will help me out of a hard time.
