I need a girl's point of view
Hello,
I feel completely at my lowest I have ever been, having to post in a forum to get this out of my mind. But I feel like it will help me get over this easier.
Here is my situation in a nutshell.
[I have been with my girlfriend for approximately 9 months. We have been toughing out a long distance relationship but we are reaching the end of the long distance very soon. She plans to go to the same college as me and I actually figured out a way to get her living situation all worked out so it is completely stress free. I have done everything I could do to make her happy. I spent all the money I had to get a plane or to drive to where she is at least once or twice a month. We really do have a strong connection that we both agree we have never felt before.]
The problem: she cheated on me with an ex-boyfriend when she was picking up some shoes for work, (which she just recently got him a job at the same place).
She was with him 2 years ago and he still isn't over it. Anyways, she said that when she was over there at his house picking up her shoes she they got into a discussion about her personal problems. Eventually, he sat next to her, and took her pants off. She said she realized what was going on, but didn't stop it. He then had to put on some protection, she knew what was going on. But didn't stop it. They did not kiss once the entire time this happened. She said that the whole feeling of talking about her personal life in his room just made her feel like "old times" with him. She said she couldn't even look at him when he was on top of her. He tried to kiss her but she wouldn't. Afterwards she told him she shouldn't have even been there. He just said not to tell me. She said just because it happened doesn't mean she doesn't care about me.
Plenty of times I have asked her nicely to stay away from him because he has pushed her up against walls and forced a kiss on her before in that same house. For some reason she couldn't do that.
But now she says she will never talk to him again. (Pretty late for that)
I am completely hurt. I have never done anything to deserve this. The only thing I do with my free time is either paint or play my drums. I have been waiting for her this whole year. Now, at the very end I hear about this incident. It hurts.
But at the same time I respect her for telling me rather than keeping it a secret. But it still kills me.
I`ve been trying to deal with it, but I need to hear a girl's input. I just need someone to help me. There is nobody to talk to about this. My friends cannot know, my family cannot know, I need someone to tell me what they think. Did I do the right thing by trying to let it pass? I really want everything to work out. I really do. I have shaped my life around her. I love her so much. But it hurts me knowing the fact there were two times she could have said "No." But didn't.
What could she possibly be thinking?
Was it closure with her past relationship?
Do you think she can still be trusted?(I really want to be able to trust her :()
I don't know, please help me out. Any words would help. :(