Do you believe in students' friendship with teachers?

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06-05-13, 09:15 AM
Princess Kiara

Do you believe in students' friendship with teachers?
Because, you know, love isn't all romantic. There is love between parents and their children, love between friends...
Now here are my thoughts on the subject.
I suppose it all depends, of course, on the particular teacher and her level of comfort with the idea. Some might be too scared to try it and others might be like, "go for it!"
Some other points I feel might strongly affect this situation:

The law: Obviously, it can't be against the law where you live. Luckily, where I am it's considered weird but legally OK.
Friendship ONLY!: I'm not saying anything beyond pure, innocent friendship! That's just wrong, IMO, unless the students are in college and very close in age to the teachers; or at least very mature people.
Benefits: Students should get no benefits from the friendship, i.e. extra points or whatever. If they're friends with a teacher it should be for the same reasons they'd be friends with anyone else: they like them as a person. They should keep work and friendship separate, which I know can be tricky, but I think my teachers and I have managed it pretty well.
The way it looks to other people: Generally I find that same-sex friendships are more acceptable, but then that may vary from person to person, so...
The principal: S/he should be aware of the friendship so it won't seem fishy. Also, I don't think the teacher and student should be secretive about their relationship because that might give the impression that they're trying to hide something.
Ages: I guess a middle-school, high-school or college student might be OK being true friends with a youngish (40-) teacher; perhaps not as close as friends the same age, but still. However, I don't think an elementary-school-aged kid could--or would even want to--be a teacher's friend.
Respect: No matter how friendly they become, the student should always remember that their teacher is not their age and they should respect that (call them "Teacher" or "Miss/Mr. [their name]", for example, not by their first name. And I believe they should of course not try to roughhouse with their teacher the way they would with other kids their own age.*

I speak from experience, here. Two of my teachers I am really close to. One was OK with us being friends until I had a problem with another teacher who, since she is the principal's pet, got off scot-free after 'playfully' strangling me and then lying about it; now she says we can't be friends, but I get the impression she's just scared to lose her job. I'll see what she says once I switch schools at the end of this year.
The other teacher is a very special person. She and I are friends on Facebook, we chat via e-mail and by phone. She has told me that I can call her to chat whenever she likes. She has always supported me, and she actually started hugging me before I started hugging her. Since she has now earned my complete trust, I told her about the other teacher, and asked her outright whether she thought we could be friends, and she said, "Of course, honey. I can understand why [the other teacher's name] might be scared, but I'm different, and I love you." <3 ! She's also one of the few people at my school who can speak good English. She's so smart; she speaks French too, has studied in two other countries, and she's getting her master's degree in mathematical philosophy. I think she's easily the most intelligent person I've ever met. I love her so as a friend. I'm going to invite her over for dinner when we're both free from work and study. We're so alike, it doesn't even really matter that she's over 20 years older than I am.

*This even though one of my former classmates (he's left school now) used to jump on the physics teacher and try to throw him to the floor, and as a consequence got kicked playfully out of the classroom. God...I was so shocked when I saw that! Another time, a classmate--this huge girl one year older than I-- picked up my tiny geography teacher practically by the neck because she was mad that the teacher exposed her lack of knowledge on her subject. The teacher only mildly told her to put her down, but it made my blood boil!
06-05-13, 09:17 AM
HeheMan

Women are often attracted to their teachers due to the perception of status and authority.
06-05-13, 09:21 AM
Princess Kiara

Oh, no, I don't mean that at all!
I stay close to my teachers, yes, out of admiration for their smarts and achievements. But one of the smartest teachers at my school isn't the nicest person, and I don't really talk to him. Personality, not status, is why I stick to certain teachers; the one I mentioned above is the least favorite and has pretty much no influence with the principal, who is very subjective and favoritist.
But I don't mean attraction. I mean friendship. Editing first post to reflect that.
06-05-13, 09:22 AM
HeheMan

Yeah you can start a professional rapport while you're in their class but you'd have to wait until after to really develop a "friendship".
06-05-13, 09:26 AM
Princess Kiara

I think, depending of course on the rules/laws, individual teacher and student, etc., that in certain cases it might be OK to be friends with a current teacher, as in my case.
06-05-13, 09:28 AM
HeheMan

Quote:

Originally Posted by Princess Kiara [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I think, depending of course on the rules/laws, individual teacher and student, etc., that in certain cases it might be OK to be friends with a current teacher, as in my case.

Yeah but are you really "FRIENDS" or just... professional rapport?
06-05-13, 09:51 AM
Princess Kiara

Oh, we're "friend" friends. We talk about everything. She's practically given me her whole life story, I've given her mine, we chat on Facebook, spend hours on the phone (more her choice than mine, I love talking to her but I am swamped in tests ATM and must study), we chat via e-mail, we make jokes, all that sort of thing. Only difference between my friendship with her and my friendship with kids my own age is that I call her "Teacher" and don't jump on her, but then again I don't need to because she's so respectful and nice. :D
06-05-13, 09:54 AM
HeheMan

Quote:

Originally Posted by Princess Kiara [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Oh, we're "friend" friends. We talk about everything. She's practically given me her whole life story, I've given her mine, we chat on Facebook, spend hours on the phone (more her choice than mine, I love talking to her but I am swamped in tests ATM and must study), we chat via e-mail, we make jokes, all that sort of thing. Only difference between my friendship with her and my friendship with kids my own age is that I call her "Teacher" and don't jump on her, but then again I don't need to because she's so respectful and nice. :D

Hm well I can see why many places would have a policy against this (bias in grading) but I think it's okay. Once class is over you guys will continue the friendship?
06-05-13, 09:58 AM
Princess Kiara

Sure thing! She knows where I live, and it's only a matter of time until we both have a break from work. Then she'll be coming to see me :D
I can also see why some people would be against this, and not every teacher would be comfortable with this level of interaction with a student. In fact, I know for sure most would want something a bit less personal, a more distant friendship, so to speak, and that's fine, of course. This "chatting for hours on the phone" thing, for example, is something I know not many teachers (or adults, for that matter) would want to do with a 16 year old. I guess I just got really lucky. I love my teacher :D BFF!
06-05-13, 10:03 AM
HeheMan

Quote:

Originally Posted by Princess Kiara [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Sure thing! She knows where I live, and it's only a matter of time until we both have a break from work. Then she'll be coming to see me :D
I can also see why some people would be against this, and not every teacher would be comfortable with this level of interaction with a student. In fact, I know for sure most would want something a bit less personal, a more distant friendship, so to speak, and that's fine, of course. This "chatting for hours on the phone" thing, for example, is something I know not many teachers (or adults, for that matter) would want to do with a 16 year old. I guess I just got really lucky. I love my teacher :D BFF!

Ooo I didn't realize you were under 18! That makes it a little different.
06-05-13, 10:07 AM
Princess Kiara

*laughs* Maybe it does, and maybe it doesn't! All I know is, she's a true friend, and I have seen it, many times. If there is anything I can ever do for her, I will do it! She is a very special person, and I love her very much. Not to mention she's an excellent teacher, but that's a whole other matter.
As long as she wants to continue the friendship, I won't be the one to push her away! :D I love the way she treats me as an equal. And I, of course, exert myself to the utmost in her class, which just happens to be logic. Not my best subject, but I try hard for her, and she even manages to make it a somewhat enjoyable subject despite my classmates' constant jeering (she's the only teacher at whom they laugh openly, which makes me furious...)
Again, I realize that she is an exceptional person, and very few people are like her. That makes her all the more precious to me. I know that I can trust her completely, and in the same manner, she knows that she can rely upon me.