Problems in paradise...

Hi.

I don't really know where to begin. This isn't a real love problem, but it falls in the category.

First of all, I'm Greg, i'm 24 and I'm a bit of a control freak...not too much though. I like things to go along smoothly, but usually I don't apply presure to them. So I think I'm a healthy control freak (if there is such) :P

Anyway...my problem is with the sister of my girlfriend. I don't really know the girl well (except for brief encouters at my gfs home), so I had no opinion about her til now.
Recently I found out that she was talking behind my back to people and those things were nasty...the problem is that they weren't true. Anyway, a whole mess came out of this, even some house arrest (her parents) and now it is all normal...or maybe not.

The real problem is that she never ever even tried to appologise to me...not even a hint. She told my gf that she wasn't thinking about what she was doing, but not a mention about how sorry she is.
This really angered me and I can't stand her. I told my GF that I wouldn't take a step in their house when the sister was home until I receive an appology.
I mean, I'm a "vengeful" person, but also a forgiving one. I don't expect anything from her sister...but I want an apology.
I'm with my gf 2 years now and we're really connected, even our families accepted each other, so I really see a long future here.
To round up the problem (the important part is here), my GF is really sad and I caught her cring a few times, because I missed some big dinners at her house, because I just couldn't be in the same room as her sis. She understands my feelings, but she's just said because of it. I understand her aswell, because I know how I would feel in her position...

So I'm facing a dilemma here...do I swallow my pride and let her nasty sis go off the hook (she's a bad person on other "departments" aswell)? Or do I stand stil on my grounds until I receive the appology?

I really can't see my gf so sad because of this (btw, she's not speaking to her sis), but on the other hand I just can't walk over myself :(
Usually I'm not an egoist, but the whole incident really left an imprint on me and I strongly feel I deserve an appology. I really want to forgive her, but not until she shows some remorse...or at least until she fakes an appology if she really doesn't regret it...

Oh well, I hope to hear some nice suggestions :P

W

I understand where your coming from with wanting an apology, but in the process, YOU are REALLY punishing your gf. Is it really worth all the strain that you are putting on your own relationship?

I would just ignore her bitchy sis. More then likely, she will never apologize. But, honestly, if you wait around for that to happen, it could cause even more damage to your current relationship.

Is your ego really worth it?

Be a man and swallow your pride. And ignore the sis. Its not like you are dating her.

How old is her sister? Does she lack the necessary maturity to try to repair the harm she has caused? Has she admitted to her family that she was lying?

In the end, I agree with Ellynn. So long as your girlfriend is clearly behind you, I don't see the value is isolating yourself. You can still attend family events and just not speak to her sister.

BTW - it should go unsaid that you should also not speak *about* her. No sense in inflaming the situation.

I agree. You're letting her sis stress your relationship with your gf and the rest of her family- just ignore her instead.

Let it go...

She won't apologize, she doesn't feel she needs to... why, maybe it's a territorial thing because you're dating her sister? I don't know.

Just let it go.

Thanks for all of the replies :)

Her sister is 18 and I think it's more jealousy than a territorial thing. She can't mantain a relationship longer than 1 month...

She is very immature, she acts like she's 12. She can't do anything...she doesn't even know how to cook some eggs.
When I told my GF about the talking behind my back (oh, and BTW, she was talking about my GF aswell and their parents....she said they were hitting her, but it's a 100000000% lie).
So I told my GF all of this and she told the parents. The little bit!! (sorry, I couldn't resis), at first denied everything, but then I printed out an email a friend sent me (she didn't know I know him) and gave to my GF to show it to the parents. So there was hell that evening at home....she got a house arrest.
The problem is that the little dwarf always gets away with it. The house arrest lasted 14 days (while it was said it was indefinite) and at home everything was forgotten (from the parents side). And it's always like that. She can do anything she wants and she doesn't stop to think about people around her...like she's the only one in the world.

I mean...if I'd lie and tell around my father was hitting me (while he never did), I'm pretty sure I'd go through hell because of it even though I'm 24.

Man, I could write a book here and stil I wouldn't be half through.

It all comes down to the fact, that her parents don't care anymore (she's so irritating that they gave up...I would too, so no blaming here please, they are really good people) and from all the stories that I heard (and saw with my own eyes), I just said to myself that if everyone gives her a jail-free-card, she certainly wouldn't get one from me! That's why I'm being so stuburn about this...at least I was. I think that the fact that I'm typing here tells you that I'm beginning to back down, I guess I just need a day or two.

As I said...I don't really hate her, and I am prepared to forgive her...but for once in her lifetime I'd really like for her to receive a lesson. For Gods sake, she can't even go to the bank to deposit some money...her mom has to do it and she's 18!!!!!!!!!!

Greg, it would be one thing if you had the support of the entire family backing you up, here. If her parents said that SHE wasn't allowed to attend family dinners until she apologized to you, it would be entirely reasonable. Unfortunately, it seems that they've all forgotten this, or at least put it behind them, and you're expected to do the same.

Awkward problem, though, is that you've held your ground on this for so long that it really looks like you're letting her win this battle of wills if you capitulate. (Lesson learned: Do not engage in a battle of wills with a crazy person. You will never win.)

Can you talk to your gf's parents about this? Do they think you're being stubborn? Would your gf be willing to join you in the "sister strike"? It seems like this little brat is running the show over there at your gf's house, and I have a problem with the idea of supporting that behavior.

I think you and your gf should talk to her parents about some kind of family strategy to deal with the sister. Don't separate yourself from the part of her family that you actually like.

It seems we're on the same line Gigabitch :)

First I have to tell you that I'm capitulating only because of my gf, because I just can't stand seeing her that sad. If this were any other person, then I think hell would freeze over twice before I'd speak to that person again (unless I heard an apology).

My sister doesn't speak with her at the momet, but she told me that she just doesn't have the energy to "battle" with her. As I said, her parents are loving parents and they'd do anything for both of them, they just don't have the energy to "oppose" the younger one. I guess they capitulated. It's really one of those cases, where one kid is a good one, that cooks, cleans, has good grades, while the other one is a spoiled brat.
The sis is just a kid trapped in a 18yr old body. She's clean socially...no drugs, no gangs...just spoiled sky high. My gf says that the sis will pay dearly for what she has done...she's just waiting for a gold opportunity. We'll see, though I'm affraid we'll never get over the silver one :)

I don't know what the parents think, cuz I asked my GF not to tell them. Usually she just makes an excuse why I'm not there...I don't want to make this an epic battle. But the sis knows why I'm not there...but it seems she doesn't give a da** about that.

The more I think about it, the more I think this is just a silly situation...on the other hand I wish she was a he...so I wouldn't have a bad conscience if I'd kick her lazy behind :P