The Pitfalls of Conversation

You might be good at small talk, but still face certain pitfalls. To refine your technique and really be good at capturing -- and keeping -- someone's attention, keep in mind the following.

Rambling

Have you ever been in a conversation with someone and you feel like you can put down the phone, or even walk a way, and they would still be talking and wouldn't know the difference? That happens when feel you are being talked "at" instead of being talked "with." Talking "at" people comes from chattering on about yourself without being connected to the person who is listening. They key is to engage the other person in what you are saying so she feels involved. You can prevent doing this with certain techniques:

* Hesitate while you are talking to give your date space to jump in and react.
* Stop after talking awhile and ask a question that involves your date. You can ask for this opinion ("What do you think about that?") or her understand ("Do you know what I mean?") or empathy ("Can you imagine how that feels?"). If you are ready to turn the attention to your date, you can ask about a related experience ("Has anything like that ever happened to you?").
* Use your date's name every now and then to let her know you know to whom you are talking.

* Tune in to yourself. If you ever get the sense that you are rambling on and on and that your voice is droning, stop talking and give the other person a chance to speak.

* Ask for feedback. Ask directly if he is interested in whatever you are talking about, or if he wants to change the subject.

* Avoid talking endlessly and hogging the conversation. Instead, toss the ball to your date, eliciting a response and listening attentively. If you have a tendency to go on and on, develop a sense of timing, or purposefully set a limit for yourself. Sound bites ( a quote from a person) on a network news show can be as short as eight seconds. A talk show host usually will let a person have his say for no more than two minutes before making some other comment -- no matter how interesting the information. A late-night comic's routine may go for three minutes, but it is punctuated with audience responses. As a radio professional, I know it is best to make a point in only up to a minute. Even President Clinton's radio address in the Oval Office was under five minutes because he noticed that stations carried his report only when it ran that short length of time. Especially in the age of MTV-quick images, the average attention span has shortened, so make you point quickly and clearly.


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