Complicated situation with my ex. I WANT HER BACK SO BAD
Hey,
I'm extremely emotional and sad because I miss my ex like hell. I'll give an overview of what happened.
We used to have a relationship. We were together for 1 year a and 4 months and broke up 6 weeks ago. I loved her and she obviously loved me. I however, am raised competely differently than she is. I'm raised as a christian and she isn't. And this made the relationship complicated, on areas like sex or living together. (I'm raised in a strict christian regime ;-). The last stage of our relationship, I did not give her enough time and love and that is the main reason why we broke up. At the time, I wasn't sorry, as I also blamed it on her. Reading back on some chat conversations though, I started to realize I really did mess up.
Last week, she told me she liked someone else and he liked her. All good and well, I thought it was respectful of her to tell me this and asked her who it was. I then heard she likes a friend of mine (Not my best friend but still a friend after all, someone I see 1-2 times a week)). I shivered and after talking a bit I told her I still had feelings for her and that I was sorry for messing it up. We both cried and I told her I would change so much about our previous relationship and would love to get a second chance. I then however heard that they have been sleeping with eachother since two days after we shared our last kiss, and 8 days after we broke up. My ex was confused by my confession of my love for her and didn't know what to do. I told her to think for herself and not choose for me because I am kind to her for just one night. The next day I heard that she broke up with the other guy. We had a talk with the three of us and he said he felt terrible for sleeping with my ex so fast after a breakup but he said he didnt know I still had so many feelings, and honestly I never talked about this with him/her. I wanted to figure myself out, and was about to go and arrange a meeting with my ex when I heard this whole story.
Initially, for a day or two, I was mad, but I then felt that she didn't cheat on me and even though I had trouble dealing with it, that I would get over it. My ex told me she wanted to continue with me, if I would make sure the relationship would not fall into old habits (telling her what to do, denying things like a tattoo, I really had terrible moments). I promised her so clearly that I really am willing to chance and she believed it. She slept at my place for a few nights this week and we had a great time. After a few days however, she started crying and said that she really still had feelings for the other guy. Ofcourse this also made me cry as we were already planning on how to change the relationship so that she would fit in so much better. One thing we discussed is that I would talk to my parents about all of the things we did, and how I felt, and how I valued my ex-girlfriend above my religion. This is something that's hard for me but I promised her this, and I really do want to do this as I cannot think of anything in life that makes me happy besides my ex.
Today I saw her again and the time we did spend some time together (nothing sexy or anything) but I noticed it almost felt as if she saw me as her own brother. No passion, no hugs from her sides, no kisses, no smile...nothing. It made me feel sick because I feel so strongly for her. I told her this and she cried and said she isn't sure what to feel, and she feels sorry for the other guy.
I went to my parents house after this, had a little fight there as I had plans with my dad (but got home too late) and then talked with my parents and told them everything. How much I still value my ex, how I want her to be the centre of my life as well as bad things I've said to her. It was a different conversation, my parents cried as they never expected me to suddenly just stop believing in their beliefs, but honestly this is something that has been going on for a much longer time than just a week.
I told her tonight that I talked to my parents, and what I said about her and how much I care for her. Her reaction, however, was quite cold again. Suddenly, she doesn't want anything official and wants room and space. She wants me to leave her alone. I just can't bear the thought of losing her as she really is the love of my life. My view of her has totally changed. Where, in the past, i was bitchy about the most stupid things like her weight, I now see her as a beautiful young woman who I just want to make happy every single day. I want to sacrifice my beliefs, my relationship with my parents (allthough this will not suffer as much in the long run, they'll still accept me ofcourse) because I want her to see how much I care for her.
I am very afraid that, in the time I give her space, she is hanging out with the other dude again. In the relationship itself, I was a jerk way too often, and I don't blame her for breaking up. However, the way she told me this week how much she cares for me, just to tell me completely different things a few days after makes me so sad. I have no idea what she wants, I don't even think she knows it herself yet, but I just want to do ANYTHING to prove to her what she means to me, and how far I am willing to go for her.
Please give me some advice. The main obstacle in our relationship was the fact that I was basically in control of the relationship as my religion basically made up the rules. I don't want this anymore. She knows this, and I think she (partly) already belives this. But seeing how fast she got another dude after me, I'm way too afraid to wait for a month and see how it turns out.
I know she really had a hard time in the end stages of our relationship, but she makes it equally hard for me now by telling me one thing one day and another thing the next. And I think that the 'friend' of me that slept with her two days after we really broke up did a terrible thing. I however do not doubt he will do the exact same thing again if the situation presents itself, yet she only sees him as a poor guy.
