To my best friend of a decade

You stood beside me through the hardest times in my life, helping me become the strong and happy person I am now. You were the best friend I ever had and loved me with every bit of your soul. I'm sorry that I doubted you my love. I'm sorry that I was so deep in trying to sort out my own problems in those dark times that I could not see you clearly enough. With every year I became wiser, more complete. However, my heart was still clogged in some ways. I doubted that you were the one for me, I doubted that I even needed love, that I needed anything besides my professional and creative pursuits.

You were right afterall. Letting you go was the most foolish thing I have ever done. It's beyond stupid that it took this to finally set my heart free after all the heartache and hurt I've been through in my life. Ironic that tragedy set me free. I know now that I want love. I need love. I know that I could love you with all abandon and be at your side as selflessly as you were for me. You saw the heart in me, the strength, the love. I want to do the same for you.

I know that our rift is probably irrevocable and that you will not leave him. I am not angry. I do not fault you. I swore I would help you, support you, and be the best friend possible, even from a distance. I ask for nothing, nor do I expect anything. I know how hard things are for you and I am glad that I can help you, even if just financially. I will support you in any way I can, my best friend of a decade.

Still I cannot say that I don't miss you as my best friend, lover, and wife. I know that some things can never be fixed and as hard as it is, I accept. Despite all this, I am happy. My life is so full. I just wish I could share all this with you.