Boyfriend's Female Friend Does Not Respect Boundaries
First off I want to make it clear that I trust my boyfriend, and I don't have any problems with him having female friends. He has many female friends and I have only had issues with two of them. One is an exgf who continued to declare her love for him after we had been dating for many months and who stated on her livejournal that she had no problem with pursuing married men or men in relationships. The final woman in question is a friend that he recently met(six months ago) from college. They have been in many of the same classes ( 2 of 3) for six months, because of this they have become rather close and spend a lot of time studying together. I don't think this girl really respects my relationship with my boyfriend. They spend sometimes more than 8 hrs a day together. My boyfriend some times takes her to school, drops her off afterwards. I haven't even particularly minded that he doesn't tell me he's doing these things. I've either overheard phone conversations where they are arranging these trips, or some similar way of finding out. I don't particularly feel the need to know every moment of my boyfriend's life. However, it does annoy me when he is supposed to be home at a certain time and he doesn't call, then later I find out he was taking a special trip to her apartment to drop off notes because she missed class.
This girl will spend over 8 hrs a day with him, but then still call him, and text him in the evenings. Once my boyfriend told me he was going to be studying for one of his classes in a separate room, so I gave him his privacy because I want him to study undistracted. But when I enter the room he is talking to this girl on a chat program. I have woken up in the morning and found him chatting to her on the same chat program, when he is going to see her in a few hours anyway. He didn't even say good morning to me, he just continued chatting to this girl. Not only does my boyfriend study with this girl in a mixed setting of friends, but he even spends time alone with her, at her work, and in her apartment. I just recently found out that her apartment is a tiny studio, with the bedroom right out in the open where they are. I find it disrespectful that he is doing this with her; but at the same time I trust him. However, I do not trust her. I have only met her once at a party, and she was rude to me, I am no saint, and was rude to her in return. Since then the only contact she and I have had is via Facebook. She has never talked to me about studying with my boyfriend, she has never made an effort to get to know me. She comments on practically every Facebook post my boyfriend makes. She has even quoted song lyrics that I know are from one of my boyfriend's fave bands. Recently for my boyfriend's birthday we decided to do something mellow because it was on a school night. We chose to go see a movie. When he told her we were going to see a movie, all his friends were invited, she commented that it was a lame thing to do for one's birthday. I felt insulted because it had been my suggestion. This friend of his then went on his Facebook and made a big declaration of how she wishes she was on campus the same day as his birthday because she would "Sing him happy birthday really loud and offkey, she would bring party hats, and pink balloons." She also uses very flirty conversation with him, a few of my friends and his have even asked me who this girl is and why is she acting like she's dating him, after reading her comments on his Facebook. My boyfriend seems to be completely oblivious to her behaviour. He believes it is just friendly and I am being jealous. I don't deny that I may be jealous, as I said, I'm not a saint. Yesterday it all came to a head and she has told my boyfriend that she won't be studying with him anymore because essentially she doesn't want to deal with a psycho girlfriend hating on her for just being his friend. This too annoys me because I don't believe that is how I'm acting. My boyfriend was very unhappy about this and it led to an argument between us. Is he correct that I'm overreacting and should be accepting of their situation? I would like to reiterate, that I trust my partner, I don't have a problem with him having friendships with the opposite sex. I do however have an issue with him hanging out with a woman alone for hours at a time on a weekly basis in her very small apartment a foot or so away from her bed. I don't feel respected, and I don't feel like this woman is respecting me or our relationship.
I know this was incredibly long to read. So thank you if you do, but it was very cathartic as well.
Take care.
Mmasq
