he wants to move out... but still be together

Hi there,

I am after some advice on my situation. I am very hurt atm and I am asking for the opinions of those reading this.

My partner and I have been together since february of this year. We were friends for a year before that and we started dating as we were both pareand about three months in we decided to live together. Now I understand that this is fast and that it could cause tension as we got to know each other but we love wach other very much and I would stick by him no matter what issue arises. His wife whom he is separated from but not divorce has spent the entire time we have been together harassing, abusing and manipulating us due to the fact he has three children from that relationship she feels she can pull strings and really mess things up. Nether less we have fought over her and I've been very frustrated that he wont tell her to stop or to just leave us alone. We are at a point now where he feels that we moved in together too soon and that he wants time to sort out things to get her to stop and for us to just 'date'.

This is my point of view on this (and please i am lost (but this is my interpretation)
*He doesn't like the stress of the fighting about his ex (and I understand and we have talked through this)

*He wants to be able to come over, use me sexually and then go home to sleep instead of here where he has been. (like im not really wanted full term anymore but rather im good for a side bit)

* He just doesnt want to be here anymore and I feel that Im the easiest to get rid of so he is choosing to do it this way, in order to try and spare my feelings.

*He must feel that I am not going to help enhance his life but rather hinder his life therefore I am being pushed aside so he can build his own life.

This is what I am thinking atm. He has asked me to think about him moving out but staying in a relationship but I have fought so very hard by his side and was starting to build a life together (we have his kids here every 5 out of 7 days and I help him with anything he needs, promote him going out and enjoying himself, etc etc) I feel that if he moves out, that it is a step backwards when during this time we should be sticking together and building a strong foundation for our relationships future. I am very hurt over this and I want to know if how im interpreting it is in any way different to other peoples point of views. That and the belief that him moving out will weaken us not strengthen us.

Ok well there's a good chance you are overreacting....you DID move in together awfully quickly. He may be making the right decision in realizing that it was too soon. I think the poor guy needs some breathing room from the sounds of things. He was married previously and obviously living with someone who didn't make him happy. Then he moves in with you and you fight all the time. What about this situation is suprising to you?

I have seen many relationships strengthen from people backing off and starting again slowly. In hindsight, there are relationships in which I wish I would've done the same thing, instead of diving in head first and then trying to FORCE the relationship to function.

This may be a good thing. And really, in the end, if you don't make it you weren't meant to. A good relationship is not forced. It grows naturally. You know the old adage, if you set the person free and they come back to you, they're yours. If they don't come back, they never were yours. Try and be positive abotu his decision instead of immediately jumping to horrible conclusions. This could be what you need to 'reset' the relationship and start it off on better footing going forward. In short, relax. Let him do what he feels is right for him right now.

It can be a sticky situation. I lived with an EX for 9 years then moved out for the last 2 years of our relationship. I had a job opportunity & couldn't commute from where we were but he didn't want to move for my job. We made that part of our relationship work & it helped me to believe that something other than the 4 walls of our apartment was holding us together.

Because you moved in soo fast (way too fast IMO, which isn't relevant here but . . . ) him moving out isn't completely unreasonable. I'm more concerned about the idea that he wants to come over for sex, then leave again. That seems more detrimental that him just having a separate address.

Most relationships fade away when people decide not to live with eachother anymore. You did move in quite quickly with one another, so he indeed has a reason for taking things more slowly. You should create a distance between one another, that will give you answers.