break up, "friends", break contact - and I cant do this...

Hey
well, so this is going to be long, but I hope people will read it and reply on it...I dont know what to do..

Its about my ex. Weve been going out for 6months and last month he broke up.
It all started with both of us going back to our "homecountry" over the summer vacation.
I was so excited to go back home, since thats where I grew up and lived until last year, my family lives and everything.
He on the other side always lived over here and went there living with his grandparents and didnt feel as attached as I did.
So we both get there and everythings fine. Hes feeling a bit lonely and didnt like it sooooo much but well..
then I made a big mistake and cheated on him.
I still regret it....but yes I let it happen..
I told him and he was disappointed, never upset about it though.
He eventually told me that it wouldnt be a reason for him to break up with me and that hed deal with it.
But then after a while, there were things he said or wrote that made me think that he had still doubts and didnt trust me - understandable.
I told him and he said that those things he said had absolutely nothing to do with the fact of me cheating on him and that the "case was closed" for him.
Of course I had difficulties believing that, because hed very much be entitled to be mad, upset, sad...all that.
But he assured me that yes he can understand that I think like that but that was not the cause of it.
So well what can I do but believe him and thats what I did...or thought I did. I still couldnt believe that it didnt "matter" and was confused and kind of annoyed...
thats when misunderstandings, annoyed behavior and everything came up...mainly from my side..
so he did this "no-contacting-phase" thing for the rest of the time until we both get back from vacation.
I agreed on it at first but it seemed so ridiculous to me and it didn make no sense, for it was another 3weeks for me to get back again.
So I talked to him and said that I didn see the meaning of doing that and he said well ok but its just going to be phone calls and no texting.
Then he got more and more distant, didnt have time for me, and then he went back.
2weeks later I got back as well, he picked me up from the airport and I thought things will get better now...
wrong.
after 5days, in which we met 2 times, he broke up with me saying that it wouldnt work anymore.
The thing which made him decide that was the night I crashed at his place at around 3am after going out with some friends. We started to talk about our relationship.
Now Im not the type of person whos comfortable showing feelings or saying whats on my mind directly to people, and he knew it and he was fine with it. I did it in my own way and tried to show how much I care and he seen those.
this night though, he wanted to hear me tell him "I love you".
I couldnt. I didnt want to. Instead I told him how I care and how he is a very important person for me in my life and all that...
but he kept on pushing me to say the I love you on which I reacted very annoyed and finally said if you think I dont have feelings for you at all just because I dont say I love you then please go ahead and think like that, maybe thats it.
Very stupid....
so after that he broke up with me.
Since I didnt want to be the annoying gf trying to change his mind I said ok and respected his decision.
He also added that we could still be friends, of course not soon after all this but eventually. So thats how I accepted it.
then right after we break up, things happen which are not supposed to happen anymore: we had sex.
Sure I couldve said no and never let it happen but I guess there was still a little part of me thinking maaaybe....maybe theres still a chance.
stupid.
and wrong - not his intention at all..
then I went on vacation for another 2weeks wit a friend, really confused and kind of upset at myself and him....
Then I get back and again, we had sex.
I didnt believe that he could do this to me right after we break up, so yes there was still a little part of me hoping....lol
then I didn hear from him for bout 2 weeks.
I was very confused and upset - that he could do this right after breaking up with me...
So I wanted to talk to clear things up and asked if he had time.
he said yes and decided to meet. but then he canceled and said that hed make time for me another time.
I thought he really didn care no more and was disappointed, but thought to myself I should maybe forget about all this and really try to be a friend, so I dropped this "lets talk" and said its fine.
It suddenly seemed so ridiculous for me for wanting to talk about this. it was something I couldve prevented from happening and I couldnt blame it on him so...
then a few days ago he calls and asks if I had time since he wanted to meet up. Im like okay thinking what could it be...!?
we meet and the next thing I know is he wants to break contact with me, completely, forever because he cant be friends with me.
I couldnt believe it and couldnt help but start to cry.
I would understand a pause - like not neccesarily talking for a few months but saying no further contacting forever and "good luck with your studies" - that was hard...and so unexpected.
I told him that I could not do this, and that I had accepted the break up back then because he said that we could stay in contact...
all he said was he couldnt do anything about it and that this was definitely the last time wed meet alone and talk alone.
he said he wouldnt mind seeing me together with a group but that was it, no chatting, texting calling nothing.
Now, I know its just been a few days so I should wait and see how I feel after some time but I will definitely see him in 2weeks, witha bigger group...and then probably also once a months or in2 months from now on...I could avoid that by not going to these "meetings" anymore but thatd also be the only chance to see him.
I also realize now (and yes im aware that it has been just a few days) that I still do have feelings for him.
To me this seems like he let go of all this jsut like that by saying i cant be friends and we both have changed so much during the summer so it wont work.
but I wonder if he really gave it a try out here again....like he said he would...in 5days? I dont know...of course people change, so everytime we change we just let go of one eachother? I dont understand.
and Yes I know its "what goes around comes around" and I have absolutely no right to be complaining like this since I was the one who hurt him first.
I know that he has every right to do all the things hes done...
But like I said and like I told him - this is going too far. Now ive even lost him as a friend....
Does he really "hate" me now and did this? Did I hurt his pride so much and thats why hes doing this? A friend of mine said hes probably doing the revenge thing...is that true?!
Im so confused and helpless I dont know anything right now..
Will he really do this? Is there nothing I can do about this..? Especially when I see him in 2weeks? All I can do is jus sit here and accept his decision and regret everything?
im so stupid...

Anyway I hope this didnt bore you and I really hope that Ill get replies to this...whatever replies Ill be grateful.
is there any chance or is it all my fault and I shudn be acting like the "victim" because he was entitled to do what he did?
Please help..

Thanks in advance...