Nobody freak out, please do not post your favorite anti-suicide link. I am not actually going to kill myself. It would hurt my parents way too much.
I just read this article on suicide.
"Why do people kill themselves? The simple answer is: because they’re very sick. Healthy people do not commit suicide."
Maybe people who are in love are not healthy.
I still love her more than anything, even though we've been broken up for 5 months. She knows me better than anybody else, and she decided I could never be forgiven. So she goes on with her life not forgiving me.
People tell me to just stop caring. They say she's just some *****. But I know that she's not just some *****. Everyone says that when they break up, but it's not true. She is a kind caring person who always puts herself last. She would go hungry to feed a criminal. Now she has decided that I am not worth forgiving and there is nothing I can do to change her mind.
So she must be right. Yes, I believe her. I am beyond forgiveness. If I didn't know I was hurting her then I will do it again and again and again. I don't want to go through life hurting people. She says she wont take me back because I will never change. She's right. I will never change.
I am destine to hurt again and again. The only way I can prevent more people from being hurt is by ending my life now. She was able to recover but what if the next girl can't. What if she just stays with me because she doesn't have the will to leave? I would just keep hurting her without knowing it. It's in my blood. I can't change. Yes suicide is the only ethical thing I can do with my life. I'll write her a long letter explaining that it wasn't her fault and that she shouldn't feel guilty about it.
I can't do it. It would hurt my parents too much if I died before they did. Maybe there's a book out there, "Dealing with being Forsaken: for dumbies" :horror: :-P