I refuse to give my boyfriend oral pleasure! Am I a bad girlfriend?
We have been dating for 14 months, my boyfriend is a loving, smart, selfless, kind, sweet, considerate and gentle man. He's very shy about his needs and he gives far more than he receives. He certainly has a beautiful heart. He does everything in his power to make me happy and smile, I can honestly see him as my future husband and I try very hard to show him my love and appreciation.
During the 8th month stage of our relationship, we had a serious, yet gentle conversation about sexual activity and I was trying to get him to express his needs. He was nervous and breathing heavily. His voice was incredibly silent. He wanted to know my limits on sex. I told him that I want to save my virginity till marriage, I also told him that I hate oral (based on being abused by my previous bf, made me hate bjs).
My boyfriend (also a virgin) admitted that he would love to get his first blowjob from me and asked if there was anything that he can do to make the experience better for me. I told him about my previous bf and that it left me hating blowjobs permanently. He gave me a huge hug, kissed my forehead and apologised. He said that he would love a blowjob, but understands my situation and will never ask again. I asked if this was a deal breaker, he said no because he loves me for my heart and personality :). We ended the conversation on deciding that we weren't ready to do anything sexual.
Next week is his birthday and I told him I can give him anything. He (in a very soft and nervous tone) told me that he wants to perform oral on my p****. He's aware that I don't like BJ's, but he said that wants to eat my p**** without expecting anything in return. Then again, he told me that he will only do it if I'm ready. This is something the he really wants to do, he said that making me squirm in pleasure will make him happy. I just feel incredibly guilty and I don't know what to do, I don't want to say no to him on this birthday, he'll be crushed :(
So am I bad girlfriend for not giving him oral sex? Should I go ahead with his birthday wish? If I feel uncomfortable at the last minute, how can I compromise the situation? If I say no, how should I tell him? Should I just suck it up and go down on him? I hate blowjobs but I really want to make him happy :(. Thank you :)