Need honest answers on whether qualities I have are turnoff or attractive......Thanks

Hi,

Mainly looking for answers from women in their early twenties (I am 23), but all answers are appreciated.

I have never had a girlfriend before and don't know what I am doing wrong. Check that, I have never even kissed a girl before. I think I am pretty attractive, I am very confident, nice, athletic, mature, and smart. I am always looking to improve myself. I don't drink or smoke and I want to stay a virgin until I get married (about as far as I'll go is kissing). I was never into the partying scene, clubs, bars or any of that stuff most people do around my age. I have a real good job (engineer), a nice car and have over $200,000.

I guess what my question is......do women find these qualities appealing.

I don't know what else I can do to get a nice and attractive girl.

Sincerely,
Actual Good Guy

What else can you do? Good question. Perhaps since you're still a virgin at 23 you might examine yourself a bit more closely. I'd say 23 year old virgins are a bit thin on the ground and I'd wonder why you were still a virgin. Are you wierd and religious as that isn't attractive to everyone. And you don't smoke, dont' drink adn basically don't go out doing what people your age do. So why not? YOu're not exactly loading the dice in your favour are you? OK you got a job, car, pots of cash yadda yadda. But it's clearly not impressing the girlies is it?

Most of the things you wrote are what I consider to be positive qualities (I'm a 22 years old woman btw), i.e. confident, nice, mature, smart. Attractiveness is of course subjective, and as for being athletic, it's not on the top of my "list of things I want in a man", although it is a bonus as long as you are not excessively muscular (this [url]http://theideagirlsays.files.wordpress.com/2010/08/gary-daniels-the-brit-the-expendables-2010-shirtless-muscle-man.jpg?w=220[/url] is too much, for example). I like that you don't smoke or drink, although a beer or cocktail or glass of wine every now and then is always fun.

I would be turned off though, by your resolution to not have sex before marriage. I don't even know if I want to get married, we are still young, there will be time for that. For now I just want a happy relationship, and to me, that includes a healthy sex life. I wouldn't want to be with someone who would deny it to me. Then again, you are probably looking for a girl who shares your same values.

You told us what you don't do in your free time (go to clubs, bars, etc): what *do* you do? Do you hang out with your friends, what are your hobbies? How do you meet new people?

BTW, you might want to post a picture of yourself. Sometimes the way we see ourselves is different from the way other people see us.

Girls want personality and substance, worldliness. Someone that can entertain, and know their way around a girl socially....also no sex before marriage a huge barrier. The girlies want sexual experience and they can sense a virgin from a mile away and will keep their distance. Boisdevie is right on the money....a lot of what you don't do stacks up against you.

You will have to seek out a nice shy mousey church girl that follows the same values.....that's your only option.

I guess I'll just answer a few questions I've been asked so far.

1. I am Catholic but certainly not religious (haven't been to church since sex abuse scandal 10 yrs ago).

2. What I like: Traveling, running, biking, reading, gardening, photography, learning and spending time with family. I don't really have that many friends, because as you guys said, not many people share my same tastes.

I also have a serious question to ask.......and please only women respond.

My question is: It seems like women would rather be with a guy who has had sex a bunch of times rather than a guy who is saving himself for one women, is this true?

Maybe its just me but I would much rather have someone who had the self contol to abstain than get used material.


Thanks again for the responses.

Personally, I wouldn't like it if my man had slept with *many* women before me. Since we are still so young, I would read it as a sign that he doesn't prefer to have a significant emotional connection with a woman in order to sleep with her - which is something I don't appreciate or respect as a general rule. However, I wouldn't mind it if he had slept with *few* other women before me (2 or 3) if he was in a relationship with them, or even if it happened at a drunk party or something (as long as the total number is no higher than that, and that he isn't a wild party guy anymore). By the way, more experience doesn't *always* equal to better in bed. A more experienced guy may also be a lazy and selfish lover, while an unexperienced guy may be more fun and passionate, and willing to learn. Also, I think that many virgin young women would prefer losing their virginity to a virgin guy himself, because it would make them feel more comfortable and less anxious to know that he is just as unexperienced as they are. To sum it up: virginity is not the cause of your problems, it is more of a consequence.

I think your two main issues are the following:

1) Your unwillingness to have sex before marriage. I have no intention to get married anytime in the near future, nor to be in a relationship with a guy who doesn't want to have sex with me. Most women my age feel exactly the same way, I assure you. It doesn't matter if you're a virgin, what matters is - are you willing to lose your virginity before you marry? A negative answer to that question, now *that* is a red flag for me.

2) Your lack of social interactions with your peers. How are you supposed to even meet any woman at all, if you spend all of your free time alone or with your family? I share most of the interests you listed, and so do most of my friends. It's not like you are into some boring stamp-collecting fixation or something, I mean, who doesn't like to travel, or to learn? Most young people do. I find it impossible that the reason for your lack of friends is that you can't find anyone who "shares your same tastes".

I have the impression that you are willingly closing yourself into a "protective shell" for some reason. Try to understand why you put up these barriers. You should start hanging out with your peers, make new friends, and your sentimental life will evolve naturally.

Also, what's with the "used material" crap? Human beings aren't objects to be used. If a person has sex, it doesn't mean they are "being used" - that is called rape. It is one thing to prefer a partner who chooses wisely whom s/he sleeps with. It is another to consider a girl "used material" just because she has slept with someone else before you: the latter is a close-minded, misogynistic mindset. Sex is a fun activity, it creates and strengthens emotional bonds, it feels really good... why would anyone choose to abstain, if they find a someone they feel comfortable having sex with? This is what you should be paying attention to: who did your potential partner feel comfortable having sex with? Was it her abusive as*hole ex, who treated her like crap for years before dumping her last week? Or was it her two exes, whom she was in love with at two different periods of her life? Or was it with her one long-term ex, and a random guy at a party when she was 17 and got drunk for the first time? It is this that makes a HUGE difference - not the fact that she has slept with someone else per se, which is completely irrelevant.

Unless you are looking specifically for a girl who thinks the same way as you do about this issue, which is, after all, legitimate.

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Originally Posted by actualgoodguy [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I also have a serious question to ask.......and please only women respond.

My question is: It seems like women would rather be with a guy who has had sex a bunch of times rather than a guy who is saving himself for one women, is this true?

Maybe its just me but I would much rather have someone who had the self contol to abstain than get used material.


Thanks again for the responses.

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You are not getting it....girls look at sexual experience as someone who will satisfy them period. You fumble around in bed, most look at that as a waste of their time. They want GOOD in bed.

Sorry but most don't look at sex as the holy grail. It's just sex and we want to enjoy it. It's one of life's pleasures and it's nice to experience it with more than one person in our life time.

Anyways why don't you try a Christian dating website. At least your chances of finding someone of like mind there are pretty good. Plus on your profile you can post your specific interests and hopefully will find someone that enjoys the same things.

Kudos to you for being a virgin. In all honesty, though, I'd stay away from trying a relationship with you. Unless it's a virgin who isn't waiting for marriage... and just so happens to be a virgin. And just because I've had sex before doesn't mean I'm "used material".

I was immediately put off by what you say you have, good car, good job and money. Those qualities are definitely something I would look for in a guy but I wouldn't expect that information to be volunteered to me straight off. It is about personality, your interests, where you strive to be etc.

Also I think you are being very judgemental about people who have had sex before marriage, it is enjoyable and helps you connect with a person. A healthy sex life is very important.

To start with I think you need to join a club of some sort and meet new people, go out and have fun. These years are the best years, the minute you stop looking for it it will happen. When I mean go out and have fun, you don't have to drink. Also learn how to talk to girls your age and this experience will come from going to bars and mixing with people your own age.

Thanks everyone for the responses.

It's not that I don't want to have sex (I can't control my hormones!) but the times in the past where I had the oppurtunity to lose my virginity, I always thought of my wedding day and how disappointed I would feel that I couldn't control my urges and saved myself for my wife. Obviously I want to have sex (who doesn't?), but this is something I decided on in high school and it's very important to me. Doesn't anyone else see where I'm coming from? Thanks

Ya your wife will be disapointed at the lack of experience in bed, fumbling around, being all awkward not getting her to orgasm. No woman likes a two pump chump.

I had a friend growing up who was super attractive...hot even...and he wanted to wait to have sex until he got married. He went to medical school and became an OBgYN lol...he ended up marrying another girl we grew up with who was also a virgin. They just got married last year when they were 30. Finally they had sex!! I think they are both very happy and they both always seemed really outgoing and fun to be around....I dunno...your 23...go meet some new people who share your beliefs and interest. You'll find someone, just gotta try.

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Originally Posted by actualgoodguy [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Maybe its just me but I would much rather have someone who had the self contol to abstain than get used material.

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This aloof and condescending attitude is why you haven't even kissed a girl at 23... "used material", honest to ****ing god. You churchy people do irk me sometimes.