An Unattainable Love

I want to share a story with you all, about an unattainable romance I wish to have. It all started when I started playing an online game, back in 2004. I started it with a group of friends whom we were like the three musketeers of gaming. We would try different games and jump from one to the next. We had a lot of fun those times, and when we started playing this game, called Subspace, I couldn't help but be hooked onto the game. It was different from most games, and being a 2-d space shooter game, it was a lot more involved than one may think. Then my friends wanted to move on to the next game, but I kept playing this one for the time being.

As I got to know more about the game, I was later introduced into the community. At first it seemed like a different world because it was filled with different topics and inappropriate chatting all in one text box. Then, as I got used to it, I later discovered that I needed to find my group of people to chat with and my own Squad so that way I'm not into the melting pot of inconsistent chatting. It was pretty cool and I learned so much about the game and the different modes that were available in the game.

Years of playing and I've got drawn into the game where I had my own squad and became a staff member for the game itself. I got so skilled that it gave me a reason to pursue a Computer Science degree to become a programmer, along with a major in Philosophy to learn how to reason. Who would of thought a simple 2-d space shooter game can get me to a set path in life, and to pursue a better future? I certainly didn't think about it nor did my friends and when I told them the news, they too were in the same running as I was, but for different reasons than my own.

One day, while I was playing capture the flag in the space game, there was a huge debate on morality and spirituality in the chat. Everyone had different views and ideas, and it kept on getting worse by the minute. As a staff member, I stepped in and moderated the chatroom into a way that everyone agrees. Basically, I assured them all that when it comes to Morality, each to their own. Meaning, everyone has to judge what's right and wrong according to who they are, and to let society decide for themselves what is right and wrong. No one, but yourself can change and no matter how much we want to change the world, right and wrong will always be dependant on the individual. It was along those lines I said my argument, and of course I received a bit of backlash, which all resulted in a common understanding.

Interestingly enough, I received a new private message from another person. Apparently this person was well renowned and famous for her looks and contributions for the game, along with being the most popular female player in the game. Of course, this did not matter to me much because I see everyone as my equal. However, I thought to myself, "Why would she private message me? Out of all people me?"

She said to me, "Wow, you really are something else. Your words, your wisdom and your way of speech far surpasses the common person."
I replied, "Well, when it comes to morality and spirituality, I have strong views on it that enabled me to be so open minded I have no need for a Religion to restrict what my soul feels right."

We started talking a lot about it, and many other interesting topics. I never thought much of her because I pretty much assumed she was just talking to me because I'm a staff member. That's when I realized I was completely wrong for assuming that, when she invited me into her personal chat with her other friends she has known for years. I entered this new chat, and started to talk about more interesting topics and debates that was very intelligent and very different from the common chats I'm used to. Learned a lot from her friends and from her herself, and I felt so comfortable in the chat that I never wanted to leave at all.

Things in the game got very bad after awhile and my life suddenly became busier as I started college. Had to make a decision to stop playing this game and to focus on my education more. And so, that's exactly what I did for four years...

After college, I thought to myself what would happen if I come back and started fresh? I was no longer staff of course and starting the game felt like I was playing for the first time again. As soon as I logged on, she private messages me again asking me where I was and what happened all those years? I was shocked that she remembered me, and that she would invite me into her new chat that now had her real life friends included into the chat. that's when deep down, I started to feel she cares so much for me and it wasn't because I was staff she spoke to me, but because of who I am as a person.

As I started talking more into the chat, she begins to flirt with me and giving me pet names here and there. This was all brand new to me because she never has done it before, and what really got me was when she named one of her pet names after me and her. That's when I started to wonder if this was more than just a friendly gesture after not logging on for so long? So I private messaged her and asked her for her email address to see if perhaps we can become closer as friends? She gladly gave it to me, along with her personal number so we can chat through our cell phones using whatsapp. This all became so real to me that I too began flirting with her, and to this day me and her are on this special type of friendship where we just speak to each other whenever we can using whatsapp and email each other different topics and scenarios in life.

I don't know what to make of all of this because me and her have the same ideals, almost the same age but living in different sides of the world. She's from Israel while I'm from North Carolina. I know I'm in love with her, but is she in love with me is the question...?

She certainly enjoys chatting with you, but is she in love with you? Not based on what you've told us. Has she ever said things like "I wish we lived closer so we could date?" If so, that could change my mind.

There's also the thing about the two of you not knowing each other. Now, I'm a keen correspondent and have had penpals since I was young and graduated to emailing with cyber friends as the internet came along. Thing is, with the written word and phone calls we can feel incredibly close to another person. I've considered some of my overseas friends to be among those closest to me in my life. However, we can't really know a person till we are in frequent, face to face contact with them over a long period of time.

Leaving all that aside, let's focus on the 'what ifs' of this potential relationship. If she was keen, would you move to Israel to go live with her? It sounds like you have no fixed religion and are quite passionate about your views - but would you convert to Judaism if she was required to marry within her faith? Because if you're not prepared to do both these things, you'd be better off letting this one go and finding a local girl.

True with the whole Pen Pal thing, but I don't know what it is but my instincts kind of tell me otherwise which is why I want to see her face to face before even deciding on a relationship in the first place. She's also the same way as I am in regards to Religion because we both have our beliefs, but chose to freely let go of that and be open minded. That's how her and I became close in the first place. I was shocked myself when she told me that and pretty much if I were to convert it would not make a slight difference being that we share a similar Religion with minor differences. She's part of the Christianity percentage because she's in Nazareth, Israel and although the majority is Muslim, she does not agree with them to a certain extent. Point is I don't want to give up on her and I want to keep something concrete before seeing her because deep down she means more than just a cyber pal. As for locals, there's really not much to offer where I live and to be honest, I'm a high standards type which makes it difficult for me to find someone because I want to be happy with them, and changing on my own and vice versa for them.