Is there any chance that my ex-by could change his mind about our breakup?
I really don't deserve him back, but I'm also too unhappy not to try and correct the biggest mistake I've ever made so far.
I'm 21, he's 24, we dated since June 2010 until January 2011. In January I started to grow very distant from him because up until then we saw each other every day. I started to get crushes on other people. I wanted space and felt annoyed by him. I felt like because I had a car and more money than him that he couldn't take care of himself and that I couldn't respect him, but those were just excuses to myself... In the middle of January he asked if I might want to get a place together with him in May and I said "maybe.." He would start to tell me he loved me many times a day, many times an hour. And I would just say, "me too."
Finally I told him I wasn't sure if I wanted to be with him, though it made me so sad to say it. I told him I didn't feel like we had a lot in common. He said what we had in common was that we loved each other. He was sobbing nonstop. I can't explain how sad he was. We decided to take a week-long break as friends while he went away on tour to New York. When he came back, he told me he was thinking of living there and that he also thought we should stay friends. It was at that moment I knew I couldn't just have him as my friend. I begged and pleaded for him to please be with me again, but he got angry so I left.
I called most days after that for maybe two weeks, a lot of crying and reasoning. But you can't use logic or the brain to get someone to change their mind about love, especially when they've already convinced themselves that they will be hurt by you again and should move on.
We went to get coffee near the end of my "calling" stage, and I was fine while we were there but he was sad and distant, and couldn't look me in the eye mostly. He wasn't really there. The last call we had, he angrily told me he had moved on and when I asked if I might convince him in a few months to change his mind, he said that it could be possible but that he was a very stubborn person. And he's right, he is stubborn and prideful, very prideful. But he said he will always care for me.
Finally I stopped calling and a week later he messaged me something random about leaving some item at a coffee shop we both go to. He said he'd been meaning to call but had been sick. I asked him if he took medicine and he didn't respond.. A week later he messaged me and asked what I was up to that week. Stupidly I said I was pretty busy that week and didn't say anything about getting together in future. I thought he was calling for his stuff back and I couldn't handle that then. That was in February. A week later I texted telling him I was sorry for not getting back to him. Instead of asking what he was up, I said "is everything ok?" in an effort to come off as though it was odd that he was talking to me and that I had moved on and was puzzled that he was not 'ok' because he was contacting me. I put so much thought but he was probably hurt.. or maybe not. He never answered..
Throughout March he posted many depressing facebook statuses with lyrics about this or that.. Then a mutual friend of ours, Matthew, was hosting a poker game at his house and my ex told Matthew he wouldn't mind if I was there. So he doesn't hate me or not want to see me, but he has also not contacted me. If he was okay with everything and moved on don't you think he would be contacting, since he said he really just thought we'd be better friends? Yet he hasn't. Is it out of concern for me not being able to handle that yet? Or is it because he just doesn't give a shit and doesn't care to talk to me... that's the option that I fear is the case.
Anyway, tomorrow I have decided to go to a show he is playing because I thought maybe my text message turned him off. I won't contact him directly because I know it's better if your ex contacts you, because then he does want to see me, really. But I will go to a show that he is a part of and see what happens, how he acts. I think I'll be able to tell how he feels from that. But I am scared to know the answer, scared of what the effect will be of seeing him again. And yet I want him to have his most recent memory of me be a positive one where I am happy, not a crying sobbing phone call. Also I'm kind of using the last hope I have: that when I see him I know I'll instantly want to hug him and will be very attracted to him. I can only hope that will be the tug on his heart for him as well. If I can't convince him with reasoning, maybe I can convince him by the fact that he was once and probably still is attracted to me.. :(
Is there anything more I can do?
