I feel so lonely and lost; don't know what to do
I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half now. Some parts of the year I've been 100 miles away at school, but I come home just about every weekend so I can see him. I graduate this December and we've decided to move in together, which we have basically already done for the first 8 months of this year and it worked out well. He's 35, i'm 24. I'm mature for my age... he isn't.
Sometimes he can be the sweetest man in the world. Waiting for me at his place with flowers and chocolates; sending me love notes; texting me pictures of the good memories we've had. Other times, he's an absolute monster. He stays up late drinking with his friends fairly frequently. I always ask him to call me before he goes to bed, just so I feel like he's still thinking about me. I get really lonely when I'm at school and it's hard on me. Most of the time he says "of course I'll call you before I go to bed. I love you". And almost every time, he doesn't call. And I end up not getting any sleep because my brain won't let me. I wake up every 30 minutes to see if he's called yet. I call him over and over and over until finally at 4 pm when he calls me, not acknowledging that he fell through with his promise. Then getting mad at me for actually caring so much if he calls me. Then finally apologizing.
This happened last night/today. He promised, he didn't do it, and instead of just saying "I'm so sorry, I passed out" he says "Oh you're pissed? Again? Well, I gotta go". Click. Then he called me back about 20 minutes later and when I answered he said "Sorry, wrong number" and hung up. I called him back and he finally answered, saying he was eating and he would call me back. When he called me back, he acted like everything was fine "What's up, baby? Oh, what are you mad about? No, I really don't know what you're talking about. Please, tell me. Oops, the food delivery guy is here. Gotta go, call you right back". That was two hours ago, still haven't heard from him. I've been bawling in my bed, when I need to be writing a huge paper that is due tomorrow. It feels like he is actively trying to make me more mad and that he really doesn't care if my feelings are hurt or I'm upset. I keep telling myself that I shouldn't be begging him to apologize, he should be begging for my forgiveness. But that's never how our relationship has worked, I've always felt like I'm the one that holds us together. He could leave me tonight and find someone else in hours, I'd be heartbroken for months. He takes every bit of confidence I have and just stomps on it. He makes me feel like a tiny, insignificant person. I feel like I should end it but I don't have the strength to, I'm in love with him. It's so hard for me to end it when I think about all of the times he's not like this, and he treats me the way I deserve to be treated. I didn't want a simple issue to blow up into this, he could have stopped it in the beginning. He says that I like to argue, but that's so far from the truth. I feel torn up inside. I don't know what to do. I just want his respect.