I am having a hard time reconciling with boyfriend after finding out his "secret"?

Hello every one!

I met my ex boyfriend 9 months ago. He is 36 years old and a divorcee and has a 4 year old from that marriage. I on the other hand am 25 with no children never married. Despite age difference things were working out really well. He is dorky and lovable in his own way and he is sweet, attractive, and hard working. Always treated me like a princess and then some.

But weeks ago I was listening to his playlist as he wanted me to. After listening I went back on Google and surprise surprise his username is included on a dating website for male "admirers" looking for Trans women. He had a dating profile. It was right smack on the google engine. Now snooping is not in my nature but naturally I was curious and clicked in.

Take in mind this is old and hasn't been updated since way before he met me. I also found him on other swingers sites looking for genetic women. All prior to me as well.

I didn't want to tell him about it but fell compelled to when I noticed he had added a Trans porn stars friend page on Facebook. He admitted it all to me. Then as I thought he was opening up and answering my burning questions... he cuts me off to "go to sleep". It was 1:00 PM.. come on, lol!!

All I wanted to do was understand him and ask him questions to know where our relationship may be headed to and if his trans woman and former swinger lifestyle (lol) were going to be a problem in him being faithful. It angered me he had to end up getting cold about it and cutting me off.

I expressed my feelings to him and told him that if he wasn't going to be open about all facets of himself like I have been with him we might has well end it.

He states he hasn't slept with a Trans woman but that he had talked to them online but never ended up meeting with them for being scared but that it was a fantasy he had after his ex girlfriend had introduced him to tgirls and let him watch her have sex with one.

This side of him was unknown to me. What angers me even more is that he has used Trans women for perverted pleasures. They are human beings that he is objectifying and fetichizing. He considers himself straight and not interested in having sex with a male.

Weeks passed by with him not talking to me after this. I figured that we had broken up and didn't contact him either. He would text me once a week to tell me he loved me or update me on his life briefly or say something romantic yet utterly depressive then when I would approach him to talk about us or whatever he would dodge me then not speak to me again for days.

Last week he sends me a message asking me to forgive him for being an idiot and trying to run away and hide from me. He calls me like crazy but I dont answer and he leaves me messages sounding so shut off like he had just got done crying.

He says it was his embarrassment. But he realized he didn't want to let me go and he had to get past it. He says he still loves me and wants to show me that I am in his heart and mind etc...

I told him that if he wanted me to love him as he was he had to start by being true to himself and to me and opening up about himself. He needed to submit eventually in order to be happy. He agreed and said he would do whatever he needed to.

He told me he wanted to see me on Tuesday today he calls me and tells me he can't Tuesday because he got called to work the whole week up until Saturday. Then he mentions Sunday but retracts and says Saturday night. It makes me mad yet again that he is acting like he can just pop up out of the blue and call all the shots when he is the one that had basically shunned me for the past 3 weeks.

He also mentioned that he was possibly going on a visit in July to see his boy in Illinois. This is a red flag to me because it's his ex and maybe they might end up patching it up because it seems she hasn't quite moved on.. still single.. etc.

All these factors got me so overwhelmed that I got angry and said bye.. hanging up on him as he tried to say his bye and whatever else he was going to say. He hasn't mentioned any thing about it or texted. Hey why did you hang up abruptly? But I feel like I need his undivided attention to probe him (no pun intended) more about this and our relationship.

He talks about things so friendly like "let's go watch a movie and eat and I can take you up the mountains to see the over look again and we can catch up"... like nothing?!??!?!?! Catch up??