Rocky Relationship and a Friend's Betrayal

I was having doubts about my relationship and on the verge of leaving my boyfriend a few months ago. We'd been together for over two years and most of the time had been spent arguing intensely.

In the process of having these doubts, I accepted the offer of a date made by a man I'd met casually. I felt really guilty about accepting, but did go on the date in the end. Afterwards, contact was cut off with this man and I never gave a second thought to meeting up with new people.

Since then, my relationship with my boyfriend got stronger and we're at an okay place now. He knows that I was having doubts at the beginning of the summer (actually, we even spoke about breaking up during the course of this time). What he didn't know was that I had had that date (no kissing, no intimate contact... just dinner and talking with another man, then left abruptly after).

When I met my boyfriend, I was working towards my degree and put that off to be with him (because he lives in a different country and I can't afford to study there). It's always been a goal to go back, just a question of when. I have a really good male friend who is also friends with my boyfriend. This friend is actually my best male friend and someone who knows the ups and downs of our relationship very well.

I've known my male friend for even longer than my boyfriend and this friend has made a pass at me in the past, but it has been clear that nothing is meant to be romantically with us. On a personal level we click very well and he feels for me during the times of arguing. I also help him through rough times with his soon to be fiance.

I give all of the background to give a fuller picture of things. This friend moved away a few months ago after being fired from his job so our main communication is via phone or instant messaging. During the time of doubts, I was thinking about going back to school and throwing myself fully into personal growth after the breakup.

This friend agreed that that is a good plan, and overall sees me not with my boyfriend due to the fact that my boyfriend and I are so different. My family as well sees things that way because all I had ever had to say about things has been negative. That's my fault, but the fact is that it HASN'T been nice, and we're only now getting better after airing a lot out over the past few months.

Basically, in speaking frankly about going our separate ways, we began talking more deeply about our relationship and THIS has helped because it is something that had not been done previously. Now the plan is to put things off for one year and during that time, my boyfriend will work towards joining me as I study (but it will take some time to build up connections because he's not a citizen of where I'd study). If he can't in this coming year, we understand that I will go ahead and he will do what he can to join.

Yesterday I came home and was confronted about the date. Only two people (aside from me and the guy of course) knew about the date. My mom knew, and this friend knew. It is obvious that the friend told, because my mom would not divulge such things to my boyfriend.

A reason would be that my friend feels that I should proceed with my plan to resume my studies (classes begin Monday - the 17th) and this would be a way of throwing a wrench into the plan in a way that would force me to take action towards the plan b.

I've not communicated to this friend the reasons why I decided to postpone things for one year, all he knows is that I have. I feel that he doesn't believe I'll go in one year and since our communication is less and less these days due to him being 6 times zones away and working weird hours, etc. that he just acted without speaking to me.

My boyfriend and I had a long discussion... a long night... and have decided to work through the hurt he feels about the fact that I betrayed him and snuck in a date with another guy. I feel positive about the relationship overall and won't be booking a ticket to start classes on Monday because the plan to go together (or me alone) in a year is fine with me. However, now I'm stuck here not sure exactly what to do about this friend.

My boyfriend didn't say that this friend told him, but it's the only way he could have known. Do I confront the friend or do I just leave things as they are and just let him mention it? I'm torn about how to handle the situation because I'm hurt actually by the fact that this friend would go behind my back this way (even if I can see his motivations making sense as being positive in his mind). Thoughts?

It doesn't sound to me like you love either your BF or this 'friend'. If you did, you wouldn't be conflicted. You also shouldn't keep secrets like your date. Its very childish.

Maybe you should just be on your own and focus on completing your studies?

Oh, and LDRs almost never work out. The fact that you live in different countries and fight all the time is not a good sign. I predict you'll have broken up by the end of year. This may not be a bad thing.