So much Pain.

Anyone actually taking the time to read this is seriously going to recieve some sort of a gift or something of the sort from me. This is long, but I hope you'll bare with me. This story has been printed elsewhere, but this is the summary and update, alot has changed since i last posted here, still about the same girl.

Summary:
I am 20, so is she. We're both in the same University.


I met this girl back in August who had a boyfriend of 7 years. Her boyfriend lives in another state. She and I became very close and she eventually cheated on her boyfriend with me. For several weeks, things were perfect, barring her boyfriend, and we eventually came to love one another. Then she told him about me, they broke up, and she began to feel really guilty. Slowly, things between us weren't as firey and passionate as they were before. We stopped having sex, and it stopped being that "honeymoon" phase. Before Thanksgiving she told me she wanted to see how she felt when she saw him, since he was flying in to stay with her. They were not intimate but she says as soon as she saw him, she wanted things to return to the way they were with him. He said no to her and she was okay with that. After he left, she and I saw each other, and she kissed me alot and hugged me and told me she just felt guilty.

Then Christmas break came along, and she went back to her hometown (the place where her now ex-boyfriend lives). She stayed there for about 2 months, and says she had no intimate contact with him but that she spoke with him daily and say him regularly. She spoke with me daily as well, but not as often as before.

Two weeks before she got back, she admitted to me that she felt like things weren't going anywhere with me, that she felt tethered to her hometown and her way of life, and what her boyfriend meant to her. she says he is responsible for alot of things in her life and that he is a huge influence on her. I got really angry and initiated NO CONTACT, as per the advice given on this message board.

After two weeks of this heart wrenching ordeal, I finally felt like I could do without her. then my phone slipped up, and sent her a text message. She responded immediately. we started talking again, and she admitted to me that during my no contact with her she was trying to cut her emotional ties to me, but could not do it.

Then she gets back here. We see each other the 2nd night she's here. We wound up kissing, and she wound up telling me that she doesn't know anything and that she fears letting me go for regret of what "could-be" she asked me if we could be friends for now and see what happens later. For a while we did this, we remained just friends. But I was seeing her once every 4 days, and this was just so hurtful to me, when all of this started..I was seeing her EVERY SINGLE DAY, RAIN OR SNOW, WHETHER OR NOT WE HAD OTHER PLANS. She always made time for me, like I was the one thing she wanted all day.

Not now, now she makes lame excuses not to see me, cancels frequently, or leaves early. I tried kissing her a few times, but she just pecks me quickly and nothing else. We talk through text messaging throughout the day-every day. And we talk for 3 hours every night (by her charge that is, she initiates this type of contact). We talk about everything usually. And sometimes she'll tell me how much she misses me, other times she tells me how much she still loves her ex-boyfriend, whom she keeps in very close contact with (they speak daily too.

About a week and a half ago, things erupted between us and we said very nasty mean things to each other. I asked her why things were different now and she said the "no contact" thing really hurt her, and it really takes time for her to heal those kinds of scars. I asked her if she and i would ever be in a relationship and she said she just doesn't know. The next day we saw each other and we sat down and talked about this, she told me there was no way she could ever just stop talking to me, and that purposefully cutting her feelings away for me was stupid. She kissed me (not like before, it was very short and almost forced). after that things were great and we were seeing each other almost daily, she was starting to display more passion towards me in our phone calls. She even hinted at the possibility sex and the romantic stuff we did before (very subtle though, and in an unsure kind of way).

Today:
Its been 4 days since I've seen her, she cancelled on a movie night we were supposed to have last night. she has a myspace, and her main picture is of her with her ex boyfriend. (no, they aren't back together or anything), and he's visiting her in two weeks. We were talking on the phone about all this, her telling me her plans. somehow we got on the subject of life..and she said "I just feel stuck, [insert my name]" "I feel really stuck emotionally, and I don't know what to do about anything and its really stressing me out"..

Later on in the day (about 4 hours ago)..

She's on her period, which I think has a major thing to do with what happened. we were supposed to take a class together and she backed out on it. today was the last day to add it and she recently told me she was going to add it, because she wanted to take a class with me.

well...she changed her mind AGAIN. Didn't add the class, i got really pissed off on the phone with and just said "i'm gonna go to class now..bye"

she said " **** YOU" and hung up.





Haven't heard from her since. I know 4 hours is nothing, but this girl can't go 10 minutes without sending me a text message, so she must be pissed at me, even though I really didnt do anything wrong here.

I'm at a loss as to what to do here. I know many of you are tempted to say..NO CONTACT but thats too drastic for this situation..ive tried it before with her about 2 or 3 times...it just doesn't work. It doesn't phase her in the positive way at all. Some of you might even want to say , "hey sit down with her and talk about all this' but not even that would work..we talk about "it" so much frankly i think she'll hang up if I bring it up again. And I know what she wants to say..."Things aren't the same way as before and you need to just deal, im very lost emotionally, i still love my ex and he loves me, and my feelings for you are strong but i just cant be in a relationship with you right now"

Any thoughts on what could be going on with this girl? How best to approach this, and how best to let her decide who or what she wants. Her is..well...hes just a person shes known and loved for 6 years...i feel like I can't compete and I tell her that often, but she says that I'm amazing in my own rights and that shes so glad she met me...yadda yadda...

just very lost and hurt. Letting her go is like burying something alive-just can't do it. So i need alternatives.





I'm not so much hurt as I am confused.