Was it a mistake to open dialogue with partner about being asked to donate sperm?
This is my first attempt at posting on a forum
My girlfriend and I have been dating for three years now. We'd consider ourselves to be in a committed relationship with hopes to someday get married and start a family of our very own. I am a 34-year-old professional and she is 26-year-old full time student. There have been challenges in communication between the two of us and we're currently seeking professional couples counseling as a result of recent events. This all started when a lesbian couple asked me to consider being their sperm donor. I have known this couple for six years and would consider them to be wonderful women who exemplify the stability one would look for in a committed relationship. I enjoy spending time with them but we don't regularly make plans to meet up or stay in contact.
They don't know my girlfriend very well but have been aware of our three-year relationship. I had received an email about four weeks ago asking if I had time to meet up with them for coffee. I imagined it would be for a business proposal and honestly didn't see this coming. When we finally met up, my girlfriend went shopping in town and I sat with the ladies and heard their proposal. They informed me that they were looking to start a family in the next six months and both of them agreed that I was someone they had in mind as a possible donor. All three of us discussed the weight of a decision like this and that nothing would be decided until I sought council with my girlfriend, family and any other people I'd usually count on for an objective view.
I lost track of time in all this discussion. That's not something I'm use to doing and as I walked across the street with this heavy topic I worked on how I would deliver the simple suggestion of discussing their proposal. To be honest, I envisioned my girlfriend listing the reasons why my involvement in this proposal was a bad idea and that we didn't need something like this to consider while going through a fragile stage in our relationship. What I got was a visceral response that suggested I was completely out of my mind. She stated if this was something I was even considering that there was no future for us as tears poured down her face. Usually I have a real soft spot for tears but the volume of her voice and her inability to see this as a means for us to have an adult discussion felt like I was being attacked for something I hadn't even done.
This never made it to the conversation stage I hoped it would. She clearly stated that the fact I ever considered it was her reason for a now untouchable topic. She insists that I need to be someone who can come to my own conclusion regarding topics like this. Have I done anything wrong? Is this something I can't understand because I'm a man? Am I unable to empathize with her pain and frustration because of my ego? I reflect on this relationship as one that we've both grown a great deal from and feel this is a deal breaker on both of our radars. She wants someone who would know her well enough to turn this down right on the spot and I want someone who I could take anything to and weigh out the pros and cons in a way that speaks to why having a companion is a wonderful and supportive experience.
As I mentioned earlier, we are now going to relationship counseling that I suggested we consider a couple of times in the past. She was not open to it before but this has made her willing to try. We agreed to take this issue off the burner completely by me contacting the couple and telling them that while I appreciate the consideration this is not something that I can be a part of.
I really need some clarity from objective men and women from all walks of life. Along with your responses please suggest some other forums where this would be appropriate.
