Should I call her and "try" to make thing up
I met her 3 years ago. We have been friends together continously for 2 years in a cross border long distance relationship (or rather friendship). Last year I decided to tell her that I loved her and I wanted to marry her. She was a muslim and I told her that I would even convert for her. That day she told me told to 'look elsewhere' and 'seek somebody else'. Now this is coming from a woman, who has a history of saying things in twisted form (and not straight forward). She also had a troubled past with somebody else whom she married when she was young but got ditched because of some reasons which I never got to know because she never told me. She is a divorcee. She is also not very educated. She is 23 and she dropped out of high school and spends most of her time watching movies, texting to people I don't know how many, (she never tells me that, but I caught her once or twice, from which she got away by making some random excuses), tweeting, spending most of her time on facebook, in shopping malls and what not. She told me (this part I know is true) that she underwent an eye surgery a couple of years back and she can't read for long duration anymore (this part I am skeptical, as she can read small text of her facebook messages on her phones fine).
Fast forward, after I told her that I loved her and she rejected me (kinda), she started calling me up bunch of times a day, asking me to do stuffs for her, telling me that she can't get sleep at night (I don't know whether that's because of me or not), blah, blah, blah, as if she loved me and she did not mean all the things she days a couple of days back, and all of this she was doing when I was trying to recover from her literal rejection (this was not my first time and so I was a little stable this time), but I was not very comfortable her speaking to me even after she ditched me. It felt like I was being used like a puppet. I decided to tell her that we have to quit talking but I also wanted her to know how ridiculously mentally sick person she was. I was very harsh at my choice of words. I told her that she wasn't educated enough for me and I can get women who were earning some money (like me, as I just got a job offering me a lumpsum amount of money). I even went to the point of telling her that she couldn't possibly offer me anything more than sex (shamefully it was the truth too). Don't get me wrong. I want to love her. But she breaks my mind and plays with my emotions so much, that it's very difficult to love such a person. I go round and round in my thoughts whether to go for her or not. However, that was the last day I spoke with her, until things started going south in my job life and I got way too much frustrated than I ever had. I quit my job. I went back to academia for PhD and decided that I needed to get her back in my life (maybe that was the wrong decision, maybe I should've dated someone else). But I developed way too big of a hole in my heart and I know I was being an idiot but I wanted her to fill it up. During all of this time, she also started showing off her frustration on facebook by writing please-come-back posts indirectly hinting everthing at me. I called her up one day. We spoke quite good and did not have a bad conversation. I thought things were back to normal. But then she started again. The next day she told me that she doesn't want to be in a relationship with me. I kept telling her that I loved her and this time I won't go away. But she went on to block me from facebook, and not pick up my calls (again, as you will see later that she does not always mean the things she is doing and she is never straight forward). After that one day I decided I would quit again (with the weak promise to myself that I will never go back this time). I stopped calling her, sending her texts and blocked her from facebook. And just as when I was settling down in my mind with the mindset that I would erase her from my life once n' for all, she called me. I rejected her calls and texted her back telling her (a lot less harsher this time), that I am sick and tired of her mind games and that I don't want to talk to her in any way. That's it. She stopped calling me back. And she started pulling her last-resort card, posting messages on facebook about how lonely she was, love quotes and what not. I am so confused what to do. I know everybody wants to tell me to move away and explore other nicer people. But somehow I know that if ever I were to spend my entire life with her like the first two years of our friendship, I couldn't be any happier.
About the sex part, yes I find her extremely attractive and I know this is playing a huge role in diverting my mind towards her. But is that bad? There are couples who are tied together because of the sex they enjoy together and I also know couples who lead miserable (can't cheat/can't have sex) lives with their partners, until they decide to eventually part ways.
About another thing which influenced me to stay away from her is, her religion. I know it's inapropriate to generalize but it's a fact that large number of muslims hold beliefs that non-believers should be killed. This was one of the reasons why I told her I would convert if she were to marry me. But in my mind, I would never accept theocracy, especially when I started my life as born free (I started as a hindu, but it is equivalent to being free). And then I have read up stories how Muslim teenagers and young boys who are in their 30s go online, get touched by the ISIS black magic and decide to join them. And if their parents try to stop them, they even kill their parents and family (who were muslim to begin with), all in the name of religion. And this Muslim girl, has two brothers, and a long queue of boyfriends and cousins who want to marry her. I can never tell if I would be killed for marry her. That's also one of the reasons why I want to get away from her at lightspeed. But ... you know ... when I have gone far far away from her, my idiotic heart speaks up.
What should I do? Currently, we are not speaking to each other. She told me she wants to come to where I live and meet me. But she also tells me she doesn't want any relationship with me. In response I forbade her to call me anymore. And now she is cooking up drammatic posts on facebook, (which I happen to not stop myself from reading).
What according to you is the way forward? I am all ears.
