In short I feel self conscious about the females in porn. They are obviously better looking than me, although I don't consider them beautiful, only 'cause they're too trashy to be beautiful, but hot, sexy, attractive, yes they are, like 100x more than me!
I have small breasts and while I'm slim I'm not toned. But it's the breasts mainly, because well, granted, they are mostly fake, but still they're better than nothing. My boyfriend watches this and I'm glad he's honest and doesn't hide it, but there's a thing as too honest. We've talked about this and while he said he loves me and finds me attractive and that our sex life is great, that yes, porn stars have better bodies. But that he loves me, etc. Still, I haven't been able to get over it and now I'm paranoid all the time when I'm on my period or when we haven't had time to have sex (we don't live together).
I feel like an idiot, 'cause fantasies are fantasies, right? And so what if he thinks about other girls or threesomes and the like, right? Well, I feel abnormal because I'm not open minded like this. I do everything in bed, but I just can't shake off these insecurity feelings, this jealousy and envy I feel that these women have more desirable bodies. I can't relate, really, because I don't fantasize about other guys when I masturbate. He's enough for me. I also don't read romance novels or Cosmo (why do men always assume that ALL women read these things anyway?). I think other guys are attractive, but I don't look for naked pictures of them to masturbate to. I don't think about having sex with them.
I feel like an idiot because he knows about this and while he offered to stop and I declined, he says he feels guilty when he watches porn because it makes me feel bad. Now I feel guilty! What can I do? As much as I think about all the fakeness of porn and that he'll never meet them, that it's a fantasy... well would he be happier if my body was more like that of a porn star? Once he told me that he wouldn't, ONLY 'cause every guy would be checking me out and maybe I'd leave him for someone better. But just because of that. So he would like it better if I was toned with huge breasts and butt, and shaved EVERYWHERE. I feel very self conscious, as I have always felt inferior for my small breasts, even before I met him. In my family everyone has big breasts, except me and I have no chances of growing anymore.
I feel like an idiot for having made him feel guilty, and an idiot for not being able to just ignore porn and be happy with myself.