my girl and her deceased ex..
I have been dating my girlfriend for about a year now, and early on I learned about her ex boyfriend. about 4 years before I met her, she was dating another guy for about 5 months. He ended up overdosing on pills and alcohol. in the five months that they were dating, she pretty much took care of him because he was addicted to meth and pills. he also managed to cheat on her with in those 5 months..
despite all of that, he is the love of her life and she has been distraught ever since.
regardless of how short or rocky the relationship was, (the shortest she's ever been in) I still completely understood where she was coming from and respected it completely.
to be honest, at first I was a little uncomfortable with it. she has his cloths in her closet, and in her room she has a chest of some things like the some beer cans he drank a lighter he used, and a small bottle of liquor that someone bought for him the day before that he never drink. and his hat hanging on her wall.. I do understand that people grieve differently, and me and her got along so well that I gave it a chance and figured over time it would be easier.
now we've been dating for about a year, and she still has the chest of things in her room, his cloths in her closet, and can't get through hearing a sad love song without crying and thinking about him.. She told me she loves me and never wants to lose me. Thats its just a different kind of love then what she had with him..
she wants to move in together now, but the idea of her moving all of his stuff into our room makes me uncomfortable..
and I still understand to an extent, but its not like it was a really long or positive relationship.. and how she still is more in love with him than anybody else. I don't mean that to sound insensitive because I don't want her to ”get over it” or ”move on” necessarily, but I also don't think it's healthy for her to have all those things around reminding her all the time about it.. and to be honest, it does still make me uncomfortable. I'm not jealous or anything, but when she talks about him or her see that chest in her room I just get a sick feeling in my stomach.. I don't know how else to explain it and I don't know how to talk to her about it.. she mentioned wanting to talk to a counselor about it about 6 months ago, but never mentioned it again is acting like it's not needed.
at this point I feel like it's going to be like this forever I don't think I can stay for that. I have nothing against the girl, and I really love her, but this sick feeling in my stomach is really hard to deal with.
if I decide to break it off with her, I dont know whether I should tell her that that's a big part of it, or whether I should say anything about it. I don't want her to feel like I'm trying to rush her or give her an ultimatum because I'm not.
somebody please give me some advice, I need at least some outside perspective on this. also feel free to ask any questions.
thank you so much for your time,
R.C.