ex cheating bf and enjoys contact with me but won't come back !
Hi.
Here's my breakup story which I decided to post in order to hear what the people here have to say.
cliffs :
1) Been with a very beautiful though insecure girl for 1.5 year. She was very into me from day 1 whereas, although I liked her, I was shy enough to hold back my feelings, making her feel I didn't care about her (which was a wrong assumption).
2) She broke up with me 2 months ago. I tried to take her back after 1 week of NC, she told me she was with another guy who she wasn't having feelings for, however he does EVERYTHING she asks. makes her feel like the most important person in the world (she is actually treating him like a puppy.. go there, do that... AND HE DOES !!!), and she hopes that along the way feelings for him would come.
3) I was having frequent contact with her (and sex a few times) since then, she cried almost every time she met me, but she refused to let the other guy go because she felt things with us would not change and we would again break up after a few months.
4) She would contact me when she was alone but I couldn't contact her whenever I wanted because she was with the other guy. I couldn't take that anymore and after numerous attempts (diamond ring included i.e no fear of commitment) of showing her I REALLY care about her and see her seriously in my life, she didn't change her mind so I asked her for NC.
5) Now on day 4 of NC, don't plan on contacting her anymore but don't know what to do if she contacts me. I still want and love her a lot...
.....
6) Profit ?
Anyways, read along, it's an interesting story...
I was with a girl for 1,5 years. For her it was love at first sight. From the very first moment she showed me she was 100% into me… She looked me in the eyes and I could see she was carried away. Never before have I seen a girl look at me this way… She is extremely beautiful and I liked her a lot, however it took me quite some time before I could show it to her. To be honest, I was quite indifferent at the beginning, at least that’s what she thought. She is extremely insecure. The first time we went out as a couple she told me “what are you doing with me ? you could have any girl you want, girls much better than me”. And believe me, she’s the kind of girl that could date any person she wanted and should not be insecure at all !
Anyways, her previous relationships were extremely jealous of her, didn’t let her go out on her own, they didn’t go anywhere without her… I was the extreme opposite. Straight from the beginning I would continue to go out with friends 2-3 times per week without her and of course encouraged her to do the same if she wanted. She wasn’t complaining… I moved in at her home. We made dreams to start a family, have kids, spend the rest of our lives together. (I am 26 she is 20-21). I met her mother (not her father, I’m shy like that) she met mine, we were happier than ever. At least that’s what I thought…
Time went by and about 7 months into the relationship she snapped. Told me that during our relationship there were numerous nights when I went out with friends that she stayed crying at home, sometimes inflicting self-injuries, without telling me, for fear she would lose me… She complained that I hid her from everyone, didn’t share much of my life with her and that I wasn’t proud of her (god forbid, she was the most beautiful woman I ever dated and was EXTREMELY proud of her, it’s just that I am a bit shy as a person and do not express my feelings that easy). I explained that I could try and change things, go out less frequently with my friends and also offered to take her with me anytime she wanted. I did so, went out with friends only once or twice every two weeks, but after a few months she started complaining again for the very same reason. From then on, things went downhill… I moved out of her house and returned to mine, we would argue and break up once every month, however I always chased her back and she returned. I was starting to feel very weird in the relationship however I couldn’t let go because I loved her so much…
Because of work, last May I had to move out to another city, which of course is only 1 hour away, and need to stay there until February 2009. She told me that if I didn’t make a serious commitment when I got back she would break up with me. I became a bit “cold inside” when she told me that. It’s not that I didn’t want it, it’s that I don’t like deadlines in such a serious matter. And I told her so. Anyways, things were cold between us from then on, we stopped having sex (I turned her down every time she tried) and finally we broke up 1 week after I changed cities, for the same reasons that came up in the past (she felt I didn’t care enough about her and I only care about myself and my friends).
I called her after 1 week of NC and tried to make things up. She told me she was with another guy, younger than her (until then she had promised herself that she would only date older men) who was crazy for her and gave her everything that she wanted. He didn’t let her move a muscle, she kept bringing her whatever she requested (food, gifts e.t.c.) whenever she requested it, kept spending tons of money for her and made her feel comfortable because “he’s not as smart as you are and thus I feel smarter than him when we are together” and “I can make him do whatever I want, I just have to ask and he will do it without second thoughts”.
Anyways, I decided to move on with my life and within the next two weeks I slept with a few women in order to get over my ex (they all knew that it was just sex and nothing more), but nothing could make me stop thinking of her. I contacted her again and she agreed to go out for lunch with me. We ended up having sex at my place and her telling me that “I knew you would make me want you if I saw you again, but we can’t be together”. I let her go. (Of course, weeks later she told me that she would have definitely come back to me if I had insisted more that time at my house).
One week after that we met again, she came to my place for 3 days, saw that I had indeed changed, we slept together again and that time she was half a step from calling the guy she was with to tell him to break up. I told her not to do so because I didn’t want her to regret it afterwards (I now regret doing that of course !!!). She told me she would think about it and let me know her decision within the week… She went back to her place and, for the next couple days, she kept spending time with the other guy, however when he would leave, she would immediately call me (2 am – 3 am) or catch me up on MSN and we would talk for hours, talking to me like we were together. Suddenly, on the 4th day she stopped calling. It was their 1 month anniversary the previous night and, of course, the way they spent it must have changed something in her or made her feel guilty. I contacted her and she told me that she decided to stay with the other guy because, although she was not yet in love with him, she was getting everything she wanted, she couldn’t believe in us anymore and she thought that, if we got back, things would be the same after a couple of months. I put much pressure on her to come to my home for one last time, she did, and she just told me that her decision was final. I returned her home and when saying goodbye, I cried for the first time in 1.5 years. No begging, no nothing, just couldn’t believe I had lost her. She cried with me and told me that, if I wanted, I could join her the very next day when she was baptizing a child. Unfortunately, I was too shy to go. When I told her I wouldn’t go, she asked the other guy, who went there and met her parents, as her friend. Of course they knew what he really was to her.
From that moment on, she was extremely different with me, emotionless. She never initiated contact but had no problem talking to me for hours, provided that the other guy wasn’t there, having phone sex with me e.t.c., however, everytime I started telling her I want her back and I cared a lot about her, she told me that that conversation was very tiring for her.
We met three weeks ago when he was out of town for business, had sex again but this time it was different. After it was over, you could see she was feeling guilty this time, a look she didn’t have the previous times. She told me that she had to catch a plane in a few hours to meet the other guy and go on vacation together. She asked me not to call her and told me to wait for her to call me. She went to the airport and before boarding the plane she called me (only a couple hours after we split). She told me I was extremely different and that she felt she didn’t know me at all... I rushed to the airport to stop her from leaving. She insisted that she should go and that she would be the one to call me. I kept NC for 2 days but then started calling numerous times. She couldn’t answer, she was with him the whole time, and to make matters worse he found out we were talking (not about meeting or sleeping together though) and had a big fight with her. When she returned from vacation, she called me and told me that I shouldn’t have been calling her like crazy because she was with the other guy and had decided to stay with him. I joked about me going out with another woman (wanted to make her jealous) and when she heard that, she started shouting and told me that she never wanted to see me again (whereas she was also seeing another guy) ! I told her I was joking. Again many hours speaking on the phone when she was alone, phone sex e.t.c. but didn't want to meet me, I believe for fear she would again roll back to me. I requested one last contact to give her something I always wanted. She came to my home last Wednesday and I gave her a diamond ring...
