I am self-sabotaging my relationship
I have posted here before, but this post is probably my more 'serious'/time sensitive posts.
I've been with my BF for over a year and we have both discussed that we see each other in our respective futures. But this might be compromised if I don't figure my stuff out.
For the past 6 months, I've been jobless and have been applying and interviewing for many jobs. Clearly it hasn't been successful since I am still unemployed. Because of this, I have been hanging around my boyfriend about every day of the week.
Since then, it has started to annoy my boyfriend that since I am over his house all.the.time, he barely has time to see his best friend anymore
We used to literally never argue, but for the past month or so, we've had at least one or two arguments every couple of weeks or so.
And I know that they are all my fault. I can sometimes not be a mature person, I'll just blurt the first thing that comes to my mind as opposed to just waiting, taking a breath, and then think about wanting to say before I've said it. This has happened many times where it really is starting to annoy my boyfriend.
I also am pretty one-dimensional where I don't have much to contribute to conversations, like anything of 'substance'. I typically like to tell the same joke or stories over and over again until my boyfriend calls me out for it.
It all came to head yesterday after we went to the gym together, and I was talking about some job I applied to but some of the reviews I saw of the company online weren't good and BF just blew up. BF told me that he is so tired of hearing all my excuses about different companies and why if they are not perfect, I shouldn't apply there.
I might have reacted not-so maturely by giving him a dirty look and then BF went on and said how I'm acting really immature lately and I need to cut it out because it's getting really annoying. He said that he's tired of having one-dimensional conversations with me where he feels like we can't really talk about anything deep because most of what I talk about with him is stuff I find on reddit.
BF also said to me that as this relationship is getting more serious, I should grow with it. But I've become pretty stagnant.
I could just tell that if I don't get my shit together (and don't get me wrong, I want to change), then this relationship isn't gonna last much longer.
I know he still wants to be with me and work it out, and I also know that the ball is in my court.
I feel like I am self-sabotaging this relationship and I don't want to. I know I need to grow up and mature and not be so impulsive.
I am going to start seeing a therapist this week that helps with personal growth and personal problems. But is there anything else I can do to help myself? I obviously don't want my relationship to end.