Originally Posted by §ouLto§ouL
I have been with my g/f for over 4 years. We are both 22, however, she is in New Jersey (my home as well as hers), but I am out in Minneapolis going to school for the recording arts (producing and recording bands, etc)... So first off, things are difficult enough with the distance set between us, but we always end up getting in fights when it comes down to me talking to her about my future and goals. I am a pretty ambitious person and simply want to be successful (as any other person) when I finally do break into the music industry. Well I have explained to her that I will almost undoubtedly be working long hours and long nights (as I even do from time to time now), but by no means does that mean that her and I cannot further our futures together once I feel that I am somewhat established and making money in a career after I get out of school.
This is where all the problems start.... First off, let me just say this, she is going to be going through her clinical schooling to get her RN in just a few short months, however she has told me endless times that her career is not a major goal for her (meaning she doesn't really have to worry too much about not having a job when she does graduate, as a person in the health field can almost always get a job fairly easily, with the right credentials that is), but that getting married and settling down and starting a family ARE major goals for her. Well, I know that I eventually want to have all that, but right now, my school and upcoming career are what's important to me, yet she always brings it up even though she knows my mind is not involved in all that yet. And yes, I have told her several times that us building our careers and futures are more important than all of that other stuff right now. We will have plenty of time to talk about that when the time arises, but she gets mad with me when I say that. Does this sound selfish in any way?? I love my g/f very much, but sometimes when we argue and go around in circles as we have been doing (the entire arguement stated above is recurring and has been for a long time).... I sometimes question everything that we have with eachother. I sometimes wonder if I am even with the right person and if we are having these types of arguments now (we're not even engaged yet), that when we do get engaged and married, these problems will simply escalate and eventually lead to a miserable breakup/divorce.
One HUGE thing she tells me all the time is this: She always says she despises people that are celebrities and are famous, with lots of money. She tells me that she doesn't want to have fancy cars, a huge house, and lots of money and that if I ever were to get famous in the music industry, she would not want any part of it at all. I try to explain to her that there are lots of famous people out there that worked hard (just like I'm doing) to get where they are, and that despite whether or not they wanted the fame or not, it's not necessarily in their hands.
For example, you are a hard working engineer/producer working for a studio... well it just so happens a band comes in and they want to get recorded, you've never heard their music nor have you heard of them, but you sign on and record them blah blah blah.... Well, within weeks this band's music is being played on radio stations everywhere and they have went from nobodys to rock stars really overnight.... despite whether you wanted the fame, you just got it b/c your name is all over their cd credits. They get the fame and money and you win as well b/c you had a hand in making that happen for them. Fluke situations such as that one I just described happen ALL the time in the entertainment industry and other times it's MUCH MUCH harder to break through... but the point I'm trying to convey as I try to explain to her is that sometimes it can't be helped and instead of telling me she wants no part, of basically my possible future, I feel that she should be supporting me and not against my ambitions.
We are and always have been different types of people, but we have always made things work out b/c we care a lot for eachother and both of us always go out or way for one another. But she gets snappy and gets a big attitude with me when we talk about the whole career thing and we can never seem to resolve it, and when it's all over, I always feel as if I'm doing something wrong, like maybe I'm not doing the right thing. Do you guys think that I am being unreasonable or even selfish in any way here?? I would like to hear what everyone has to say as this whole thing is tearing me up inside.... I literally sat in my bathroom 2 days ago and started crying uncontrollably and had a breakdown. I don't feel as if she is with me at all some days, but I don't know what to think or do.....please, help me out with anything, I would REALLY appreciate it all!
