I know he cares, but he's pretty eh at showing it.

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07-12-12, 06:37 AM
Primrose

I know he cares, but he's pretty eh at showing it.

I've been sad and depressed for about a month now. Just stuff piling up and just recently it's been slowly coming together and I feel a little better. However I have been keeping a secret for three years. A secret that I think will protect my family from breaking up. However recently, the thought of that secret has not brought me to water eyes but tears.

Now I have been keeping my stress and tears as well as seeing my therapist a secret because he's busy. He's so busy it's a little annoying but it's fine because it's work and family. It's important.

I have pretty much bottled it up away from him and even started to doubt our relationship. We have fun and we cuddle...but I feel like emotionally he's not as into it as me.

I dont want to be in a relationship where to me it's prominent that I am the one more emotionally invested. I'm scared to like him more and so i'm contemplating with the idea of just shutting down my emotions. It's hard work but i've done it before. (don't bash me for this okay, it's my own self defense mechanism)

I like him so much, just so so into him (not love) and we have a great time together.

Whats bothering me is that I've been trying to tell him my problems but I never explicitly said I have problems. I have dropped "hints". (which are sms that says 'i'm stressed' 'my brain feels swollen' 'i'm just so tired and I need a hug')

Last night I was texting him that I wanted to talk because i've been trying for the past three days. the first day he was tired, saw my text, got lazy cuz he was high and went to bed. The second day he had a pinching headache so i backed off the important subjects since he says 'let's talk tomorrow.' and yesterday he just went to bed.

he's a really nice guy and he's sweet but I feel like he doesn't care as much as I do. He misses me but I don't think he cares enough.

Today i told him that 'since he's so busy and tired i'm just going to give up because i'm starting to think telling him is a bad idea anyways.'

he didn't push for it, he just accepted it and then afterwards told me how horny he was. Im still sad over my secret but i'm more sad now that I feel like he doesn't care. He's busy i understand. I totally understand but how busy can you be when you can't even ask your girlfriend (through text I might remind you all) what she wants to tell you. I've told him i've been crying the whole month and it's not about him. Just because it's not about him doesn't mean he shouldn't worry!

I like him so much but I will not stand for it if he doesn't care.

what's probably worse is that we used to be fwb, but i left so i could date which is why we didn't see each other for 2 months. I attempted to talk to him in a friendly manner but he said that 'honestly I was hoping this was a booty call.' having that in my mind does that give me reasonable doubt? He says he'd 'like to take me out and treat me' but honestly, ....it means almost nothing to me with his summer statment still ringing in my head.

we are both in our twenties and live 100 miles apart.
07-12-12, 07:00 AM
Wakeup

Quote:

I like him so much but I will not stand for it if he doesn't care.

i don't believe you, sorry.

He disrespected you by saying "I hope this was a booty call." Take the very clear hint and let him go out of your life. He cares for you in one capacity... and that is not enough for a girl who is crying over a guy but keeps it a secret.

Stop your addiction to him by first cutting all contact with him and then discussing this whole situation, in full with your therapist. You will benefit from venting to someone who knows you, your situation and what you'll need to do to overcome him.

Good luck.
07-12-12, 11:56 PM
HeartIsAching

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

i don't believe you, sorry.

He disrespected you by saying "I hope this was a booty call." Take the very clear hint and let him go out of your life. He cares for you in one capacity... and that is not enough for a girl who is crying over a guy but keeps it a secret.

Stop your addiction to him by first cutting all contact with him and then discussing this whole situation, in full with your therapist. You will benefit from venting to someone who knows you, your situation and what you'll need to do to overcome him.

Good luck.

She never said what the secret was - you think it's that she's in love with him?

I was wondering myself why she would keep a secret and "drop hints" about her problems without bothering to communicate them, and then get upset at him for not understanding.

I do get that his response was disrespectful, that's also something that needs to be addressed, but the OP's behavior hasn't been without reproach either.
08-12-12, 04:30 AM
basilandthyme

I don't view the 'booty call' comment as being disrespectful. I see it as him being honest about how he views you. Thanks to his honesty, you now have the information you need to decide what to do next
08-12-12, 05:17 AM
Wakeup

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeartIsAching [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

She never said what the secret was - you think it's that she's in love with him?

Yes.. this is what I think too. But what I don't believe her about is that she loves him so much but she'd not be with him if he didn't care. I think she'll stay with him even when he doesn't care because she's been doing it this long. I'm sure it's as clear to you as it is to me that he may care for her, but certainly not in the capacity that she cares for him. He's fond of his times with her but he doesn't love her. His actions are clear on that.

Quote:

I was wondering myself why she would keep a secret and "drop hints" about her problems without bothering to communicate them, and then get upset at him for not understanding.

Crazy stuff, keeping a secret and then wondering why someone can't be bothered to even guess what it might be.

Quote:

I do get that his response was disrespectful, that's also something that needs to be addressed, but the OP's behavior hasn't been without reproach either.

I agree... she's practically the author of her own misfortune by ignoring his very blatant way of telling her how little he values her "I was hoping this was a booty call" and by his lack of caring actions.

Quote:

Originally Posted by basilandthyme [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I don't view the 'booty call' comment as being disrespectful. I see it as him being honest about how he views you. Thanks to his honesty, you now have the information you need to decide what to do next

I'm thinking just because he was being honest doesn't make his actions NOT disrespectful.

As for his actions showing her what she needs to do next ~ I don't think she sees his actions for what they are.
08-12-12, 07:36 AM
Noslen09

honestly, why can't more women just say what's on their mind to their boyfriend/mate. I really don't get it. If you're going to tell me "it shows how well he understands me if he can guess correctly," I might have to give up on the human race. Communication should not be difficult. Tell him what's bothering you, and if he couldn't care less to make you feel better, then move on.

Stop abusing yourself by "hinting" at him and expecting a particular response, then getting hurt when he doesn't read your mind like a script.

I apologize for such a blunt response, and I honestly expect to get criticized for my choice of words, but as a guy who's had problems in past/current relationships from similar situations, I need to voice my opinion.

PS. notice I used the phrase "more women," not "all women" in my first sentence.

edit: your title says that you know he cares, but just doesn't show it very well. I'm having a hard time believing that you genuinely believes he cares.